Joy of My Desiring

I like to believe I live a reasonably contented life. There are very few things "I want". But one exception comes to mind.

There is a nativity set that I have seen in stores for years. It is absolutely lovely. A new character is created and introduced to the collection each season and they never go on sale. Every time I see it, I stop and worship for a moment. Then I walk away - grateful for the opportunity to experience the beauty again. I love it and want it so badly, but when it is on display, my attention and monies are usually already allocated. No time to splurge...

Two weeks ago, a large, mysterious package arrived at my front door. I opened it and began to weep. The UPS box contained dozens of smaller cardboard boxes. Every available piece of my longed-for nativity set! I continued to cry. The kids asked me what was wrong. "I've wanted this forever!" I sobbed. "I could never afford to buy this. It's so beautiful. I love it." Luke said with bewilderment, "Momma, I've never seen you cry happy." Over the next half hour, the kids helped me unpack each figurine. They carefully displayed them in the stable while placing the stars and angels in "just the right spot".

As I stared in adoration at the cast of nativity characters, the extravagance of the gift overwhelmed my heart with gratitude and joy. When I called the mystery sender, she was careful to explain, "This is not because of any of the wonderful things you do. It's not because you're such a very fun girl. It's just because I love you and you are special to me."

From now on - until my grandchildren come gather around this nativity scene and worship the King - I will have this precious memory of lavished love in my soul. The clarity of strong desire. Knowing for certain what would bring me joy, but not being able to meet that need on my own. Knowing the sadness of living without, then surprised and humbled to receive the gift that I could never repay. And from now on I will remember those priceless words on the telephone.

The Christmas message that comes straight from the Father's heart: "This gift - the life of my own Son -is not because of anything you do, not based on whether you're bad or good. It is just because I love you and you are special to me."

*originally posted Christmas 2008

Lessons from the Loo

 
(From the archives: originally posted in 2008. Revisited for CR.)

Last night we were in some friends' home, when Mari needed to use the facilities. I followed her down the hallway and into their bathroom. Around another corner was a small alcove which housed the toilet.

As I helped her up, I noticed something surprising for a bath motif. Just beside the toilet, in the corner, stood a tall, bright torch lamp. "A lamp in a potty?" I was mesmerized by the notion.

I glanced down at the tile. Spotless. I scanned the baseboards. Pristine. Two primary thoughts were competing for attention in my mind.

 #1 Wow! There's no question that this bathroom is clean.

Sweet Spot

"I would teach her to love a lot. Laugh a lot at the silliest things and be very serious. I would teach her to love life, I could do that." - Maya Angelou

"A babe in the house is a well-spring of pleasure." - Martin Tupper

"I know a pretty baby when I see one...whether I birthed her or not...I know a pretty baby, and THAT's a pretty baby!" -Great Grandma Walker

Survey of the Landscape

I looked out the front window, shocked by the "native foliage" that had overtaken my front flowerbed - and by that, I mean bushbed. Some hedges bloom occasionally, but who are we kidding? It would be dishonest to call it a flowerbed.

Though the entire entry area for our front door is surrounded by "greenery", a closer look reveals the lack of control within which the weeds have been allowed to thrive.

Landen joined me in my outward gaze. As we stood side by side, arms folded across our respective fronts, I suggested to him that we needed to weed the beds. He resisted. I compromised, "Well, at least that huge thing that towers above the rest!"

"THAT thing? That's a shrub!"

I assured him it was not. "I promise it's a weed, Landen."

He argued, "It looks like a bush. It's growing like a bush. It's sorta green and pretty like a bush."

With finality, I pronounced, "I promise it's a weed. It may continue to grow, but it will never bear flowers or fruit."

He went out to remove the intrusive plant and others along the way.

I stayed in and wondered if there are "weeds" in my life that need attention. Stuff that looks alive and well, but is working against the bigger picture.

Are there areas that are overgrown with haphazard activity - so much so that it's difficult to distinguish the good from the bad?

Show me Your ways, O Lord...

First Aid

This morning Mari Alice was helping me cook breakfast and as she pulled a pot out of the cabinet, a heavy lid fell on her biggest toe on the right.

She cried and limped and cried some more. "Mom, it hurts so bad. I just need a band-aid. I really do."

I sat down with her and inspected the wound. The skin was not broken. There was no blood. I knew her toe probably throbbed with pain, but she did not need a band-aid.

I stirred the food on the stove while she continued to sniff and whine for a bandage.

I coached myself, "She does NOT need a band-aid. Do NOT give in to her. She is three. You are...WAY older than three!"

Her repetitive sobs interrupted my thoughts: "It still really hurts!"

Maternal compassion trumped a parental need to stand my principled ground. I began to wonder what message I was sending. A band-aid was NOT going to improve her condition - I knew that. But perhaps my care and concern might make a difference.

I told her we could get a band-aid out of the diaper bag. She calmed down and began dressing her "wound". I almost laughed out loud when she asked for verification, "Which toe was it?"

To her solitary surprise, the toe continued to hurt even after applying the bandage.

"I just need one more. Please!"

I said no. Unnecessary supplies blossoming toward excessive behavior would not do.

She persisted, "Please, may I have another one? This one doesn't cover my toe. I just don't want to see it at all."

Just as she was about to unwrap a second off-brand bandage, she sighed, "Ah, man, these are the kind that always come off. Every time I use this kind, they don't work!"

As she shifted her attention toward baking biscuits and setting the table, I pondered her plight and sensed a deeper truth.

I thought of Mandisa's song,

Some people try to listen to the bottom of a bottle.
Some people try to listen to a needle in their arm.
Some people try to listen to the money in their pocket.
Some people try to listen to another's arms.

You and I are not that different.
We got a void and we're just tryin' to fill it up.
With something that will give just a little peace.
All we want is a hand to reach to
Open arms that say I love you
We'd give anything to hear
The voice of a Savior.

So many people are hurting. They think they know what will help. And when it doesn't immediately soothe - or as the initial relief wears off, they think they need more and more of that ineffective "cure".

Basically, they just don't want to see the hurt or realize the pain...they're tired of knowing about it and thinking about it. And deep down. Way deep down, they fear that, yet again, this remedy will ultimately fail, and they will be left with the hurt.

Jesus is the Answer.
He can save the day.

Dear Father, help me have Your patience and compassion for those around me who are wounded and weary. Help me not to be distracted by the futility of what they seek. Please help me extend Your open arms, and speak Your mercy and love. Help me keep my own focus on You. I need YOUR peace.


"Praise the Lord.
How good it is to sing praises to our God,
How pleasant and fitting to praise him!

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Great is our lord and mighty in power;
His understanding has no limit.

The Lord delights in those who fear him,
Who put their hope in His unfailing love."

- from Psalm 147

Everlasting Arms

Ward & Cari 1971

Today I am thinking about my dad. He went ahead to be with Jesus 15 years ago this Spring. I remember his artful skill as a conversationalist. I remember his generosity and his wisdom. I remember his perfectly straight, really white teeth. (He should’ve done commercials, or something!) But my most vivid memory, even after all this time, is of his arms.

When I was young, he would flex his forearm and slightly twist his wrist, to prove the whole “Pop-Eye’s spinach” theory. I also remember how he would lean back against the pillows of his bed to read. As he held a book with one hand, he would stretch his other back to rest behind his head.

As a little girl, I would climb up onto his bed, lie beside him, and rest my head on his folded arm. He would continue reading, and every once in a while, as he brought his hand forward to turn a page, he would gently brush the hair away from my face. With my ear pressed against the front of his shoulder, I could almost hear every beat of his loving heart.

Today, the mere memory of that warmth reinforces me with confidence, and security.
I am grateful that, while on earth, my dad could communicate to me a glimpse of peace and security that our heavenly Father offers forever.

Deut. 33: 27 says, “The eternal God is our refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms…” and Isaiah 40 says, “He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to his heart…”

Can’t you hear the first few lines of that great hymn?
“What a fellowship,
what a joy divine...
what a blessedness,
what a peace is mine,
leaning on the everlasting arms.”

Thank You God for Dad. I'm a tiny bit jealous that you guys get to hang out while I finish this journey strong. Thank You for blessing MY children with a dad who loves tenderly, encourages confidently, and protects securely. You are a faithful Father - a perfect example - and I love you deeply for never changing and never leaving. Leaning on You...

VBS: Kid Quotes

Monday, we visited "Rhoda"s house in Bible times. She was telling us about Peter having escaped from prison when the thundering sound of Roman soldiers filled the room. The kids all hid under blankets as directed. When the footfalls faded, the children emerged from their hiding places wondering if the soldiers had "really" been there. After a few moments of surmising, one noticeably astute youngster hypothesized, "Hey! I bet it was just a recording of soldier feet playing over those two really big, black boom boxes up there!"

Secrets revealed.

Tuesday, we were sailing a ship through a storm with Paul - another prisoner for Christ. Water bottles spritzed and storm sounds roared, as we tripped and swayed along the deck. After throwing all our cargo overboard [onto the huge blue tarps], I explained that our boat was about to run aground and we were going to have to jump ship. One little girl immediately raised her hand and reported, "I have a really big problem." I asked her to explain. She continued resolute, "If we have to jump overboard, I have an ear infection and I'm not supposed to get water in my ears."

30 bonus points for believability.

Wednesday, our associate pastor played the part of Paul. In full Biblical garb, Paul approached our group as we sat around a camp fire on the slithering island of Malta. One little fellow whispered to his teacher, "That guy looks really familiar!" Remaining in character, the teacher replied, "Sure. It's the apostle Paul. We released him from the ship yesterday...he must have swam to shore." After a brief pause, and another good look at Paul, the boy stood fast. "Nope. I'm pretty sure I've seen that guy at W@lm@rt!"

We might need to increase next year's hair & make-up budget.

High There and "Hello!"

I've heard so many people say, "Thank God, for answered prayer!" I trust in the purity of a thankful heart, but part of me wonders if there is just a hint of, "Phew, I'm so glad He worked things out the way I wished."

In my experience, (and you'll forgive me if this concept has already been hashed out in a well-publicized Bible study by a girl with cute hair or in published devotions by a guy from the Great Awakening...I live in a cave.)

IN MY EXPERIENCE, God seldom leaves a prayer unanswered. Though He is seemingly silent on occasion, He most often answers my prayers forthright...with one of two answers.

"Not now."

or

"For now."

I've thought about it for days, and I cannot think of a situation or need or desire or challenge or mystery that He didn't respond to with one of these two answers.

"God, is this house for us?"
"Not now."
"God, is this house for us?"
"For now."

"God, please heal my friend."
"For now."
"God, again, I ask, please heal him."
"Not now."

"God, bless her with a baby."
"Not now."
God, will You please bless her with a baby."
"For now."
God, I thought you were going to bless her with a baby."
"Not now."
God, bless her with a baby."
"For now."

We are called to live in the "now".

***Oh, wow. I think I might have heard this in one of my brother's sermons. Crud. Well, I'm gonna keep typing and if I find that I'm an excellent & comprehensive listener [read: idea swiper] I will post the link here later. Ok, where was I?***

Living in the "now".

Each moment communing with the Loving Creator who has promised to work His plan for our Good. There is never an end to our circumstances and concerns until we realize we must rise above to set our hearts and minds on that which is everlasting.

The comfort that comes through prayer is grounded in God's character. Compare the prayer of David in Psalm 18, to the prayer of Habakkuk (all 3 chapters):

David has been dramatically rescued, triumphantly delivered.
Habby: not so much.

But both men's prayers indicate an intimate reverence for the Lord, and an unshakable belief that God is faithful. Each man prays to God fervently for relief. And despite the earthly turn of events, each man prays to God sincerely and faithfully with thanksgiving.

Listen to Habakkuk's cry.

Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
GOD, the Lord, is my strength;
he makes my feet like the deer’s;
he makes me tread on my high places.

And David's song.

For who is God, but the LORD?
And who is a rock, except our God?—
He made my feet like the feet of a deer
and set me secure on the heights.
The LORD lives, and blessed be my rock,
and exalted be the God of my salvation—
the God who gave me vengeance
and subdued peoples under me,
who delivered me from my enemies;
yes, you exalted me above those who rose against me;
you rescued me from the man of violence.

For this I will praise you, O LORD, among the nations,
and sing to your name.
Great salvation he brings to his king,
and shows steadfast love to his anointed,
to David and his offspring forever.

How cool is it that BOTH men recognize and rejoice in God equipping them for higher places?

***Oh, guess what? I'm just now remembering that classic book called "Hind Feet in High Places" that I've never read...DUH! I'm SURE it is a more excellently exposed rendering of this revelation.

(I live in a cave AND I'm slow.)

Despite my inability to achieve fresh profundity...

It's the heights of communion that He calls us to. Whether you sense that God is setting you securely in the heights or making you to tread the heights, He promises to supply your needs and remain in You. No matter the physical outcome, our spirits can courageously soar with Him as we rest in His salvation.

Praise Him Now:)

Law Abiding Citizen

With a carload of players and spectators, I hurried toward the ballpark, yet, again. I made good time along the interstate, but as I exited onto the smaller highway, our pace slowed to a miserable crawl. The car in front of me crept along at what seemed 15 mph.

Just as I huffed my impatience aloud, I glanced at my speedometer: 55 mph.

I was absolutely exasperated with the person in front of me because they were driving at precisely the speed limit. How disheartening to have to rein in my disgruntlement because they were in fact doing nothing wrong. They simply were not driving fast enough to leave me room to break the law.

As I tried to edge up to her bumper to urge her onward, she remained steadfast: confident in her constraint. Her unwillingness to budge almost sent me into a phase two meltdown. I had procrastinated and spent too much time on the computer, and now SHE was making me late. Her determination to live by the rules exposed my true condition. I wondered if it occurred to her to move over to the shoulder for just a moment so that I could go about my illegal way. Of course not. She had a right to be on the road and she intended to enjoy it.

As we drove along, something in my heart changed. (We had PLENTY of time to facilitate such a change:) I began to embrace the fact that I was to blame for my tardiness. I began to regret reading that last email and waiting so long to load the car. This woman had done nothing to bring me harm. I was only annoyed by the standard she was setting for those of us who came along behind her.

I became remorseful for the inconvenience our late arrival would cause the coaches and teammates. As cars whizzed by in the opposite direction, I also understood the wisdom of posted speed limits in terms of safety and traffic control. The other driver didn’t glare or point fingers. She just continued quietly and consistently on her way.

Perhaps this is a good example for those righteous saints who might feel pressure to change their ways by hasty rule haters breathing down your neck with impatient disdain on their breath. When prodded by those who prefer unrighteousness, do you give in, give up, give grief, or allow your actions to give way to extended righteousness? Expanded by your continued faithfulness and the conversion of others.

“The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul. The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple. The precepts of the Lord are right,giving joy to the heart. The commands of the lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes. By them Your servant is warned; in keeping them there is great reward." Psalm 19:7-11

"And this is my prayer; that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ – to the glory and praise of God.” Philippians 1:9-11

Taking Texans by Surprise

One wintery morning...

Squatty & his snowman became friends.

Three non-virus-infected children...

Brave 2 mile-an-hour winds.

Photos by: CDJ 2-12-10
Text by: Squatty

Friday Fave

My new arrangement for the kitchen counter...

I swiped this idea from my doctor's office.

Things are not merely as they seem...


Now I always have a pen to use and thieves are indicted by flourishing evidence!

Plus also: the faux soil made of coffee beans emits a welcoming fragrance at all times. Love it. Love it.

In Review

So the boys & I just finished watching "Wait Until Dark" - the old Audrey Hepburn suspense thriller about a blind woman who falls prey to a home invasion of con artists, drug dealers, and murderers.

As Landen was processing all the anxious moments he had fearfully endured, he assessed: "Man, things woulda been a whole lot easier if she hadn't been blind!"

(Join us again next Friday night as we explore further intricacies of character development and plot resolution with LP.)

Thanksgiving @ Horncreek

Just had fun looking through some more photos from our trip to Colorado. I thought I'd share...

My dad's sister, Jeannie, and me with all my brothers...plus baby Johnathan:)

I LOVE this photo of my mom with Elizabeth! So pretty!

Mari Alice hangin' out in the lodge...

Tim & Me & Josh at breakfast...family dynamics.


Thank You, God, for allowing us to take such a great trip last fall. It is so easy to praise You surrounded by such natural beauty, joy & devotion! Thank You for my sweet family. I have been blessed. Thank You!

Laundry Girl

As I finished up the breakfast dishes, I asked Mari Alice to help me by removing the clothes from the dryer. Since the time she dragged an armful of sopping towels to the couch, she has been careful to clarify which machine we are talking about. She hasn't quite mastered "left" and "right", so we usually have a lengthy discussion prior to her act of service.

Today's sounded like this.

Mom: "Mari, could you get the clothes out of the dryer?"
Mari: "Sure! (pause) The dryer?"
Mom: "Yes, the dryer."
Mari: "The wet one?"
Mom: "Not the washer; the dryer. Ok?"

And I suppose since her opposite puzzle set doesn't include "wash & dry" as an acceptable mainstream pairing...

Mari: "Ok, but can we just call'em The Wetter and The Dryer?"

Thank You, God, for Mari Alice. She is so helpful and bright. Thank You for giving us each day to love and learn. You're the Best!

Night on the Town

1 Tim Hawkins concert
+2 handsome man cubs
+3 [nasty] taco bell gorditas
+4 chatty little sisters at home with dad
= 'perfect 10' mom/son datenite!!




"Dear Lord, help my boys continue to grow in their love for You...and may their standard for datenite food GREATLY improve before You initiate 'the real deal'."

Synonyms & Weaponry with Mari

Yesterday at the lunch table, Mari Alice reported, "Big, Honkin', and Huge mean all the same thing."

Every time Luke and I get into a pretend scuffle - you know the kind where I've got him in a pretend choke hold & he's talkin' trash & pretending not to be in pain - Mari runs to her pretend kitchen and hurries back armed with a large wooden rolling pin. "Here, Momma, beat him with this!" Then we all just laugh, 'cause where did she even get that idea??

Catharsis

I am convinced that the Good Lord gave little girls long, tangle-prone hair so that once or twice per day, they might be afforded the much needed opportunity to "cry it out".

People Last

Today I was chatting with a friend about selfishness. She reviewed her recent efforts to be a blessing. "I give money to God, rescue animals, donate to the library, and...well,...and people last, I guess." We chuckled at her honest, albeit disturbing list of priorities.

Those two words caught my attention. "People last." Isn't that such an easy approach to life? Do the work. Get the stuff. (Rescue a hound or two.) Make your way. Do your thang. And, at times, relational investment gets squeezed into the mix almost as an afterthought or coincidental bonus.

In the midst of interpersonal dealings, how tempting it is to consider our own preferences and potential benefits before an other's. "Me first. Other people last." Or if we're REALLY honorable, "God first (yay! even the Grammy-recipient rappers get this far) Me next. People last."

But with a few repetitions and a tilt of the head, it can sound completely different. "People last." "People LAST!"

Humans are eternal beings. The manner in which we treat one another has everlasting effect. Bless or curse. Gather or scatter. Confirm or deny. Peace or strife. Love or hate. Stuff in this life will be either eaten or destroyed. Souls are for keeps.

I struggle to find a righteous balance between productivity and personability. Too often I discard or ignore time with people just to get a couple more things done. I value the routine of responsibilities more than the household of hearts. I set my mind on earthly tasks and time while eternity holds everything of worth. The only way to access that treasure now, is to set my heart toward the Creator and the ones He has made in His image. Love God. Love folks.

In Matthew 22, Jesus says, "Love the Lord, your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it, 'Love your neighbor as yourself'. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

Then in John, He shares with His followers during their last supper, "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another....Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."

Next time I'm tempted to put people last, I hope to remember: people last.

You Might Be Raisin' a Redneck...

Mari stubbed her toe on something and hollered, “OW!”.

Ashlin asked what happened.

Mari said she didn’t know.

Then in an abrupt change of subject, Mari exclaimed,

“Hey! That’s cool! ‘ow’ and ‘ow-n’t know’ rhyme both together!”

Guys' Night Out

Landen, Luke, Philip, Lee, Josh & James
Monday night in Arlington
Go Rangers!