Well Then

For days and days,

through conflict and crisis,

sermons and sisters,

guilt and grace,

scrolling ads and Bible study,

God has been speaking.

I love you. Love Me. Love Others.

Not a new message, right?

But, man, what a fresh word to renew my mind, refine my motivations and heal this deceptive heart of mine.

I love you.

He really loves me. Not the "best-foot-forward" me ... the "just-as-I-am" me.

I have nothing to offer Him in return, and basically, my selfishness is a daily slap in the face to His provision. My impatience is a hindrance to His perfect will. My chronic unkindness towards Him and willful resistance toward His priorities prove my unworthiness.

But (in phrases of praise) His kindness leads me to repentance. His grace is sufficient. He loves me with a love that never ends. He never gives up.

Love me. Love others.

All that He asks of me is that I love Him back and love other people in the same sacrificial way that He already loves us.

It will obviously take me the rest of my life to fully know and understand and live out the wisdom in this divine relationship.

Right now, there is someone in my life who doesn't seem to love me. (It's not you and no, it's not her either, so we're good.) I have spent too much time dissatisfied in this relationship ... wondering what I could do differently to earn or deserve their love. I'd even settle for kindness or just baseline human respect.

I've been praying for them.

And it's not working.

Guess what? I don't love them.

I say I do. I've always said I do.

But I still want something in return. I have expectations. I am hurt. I feel unloved. I want to be validated and appreciated.

To live well, I must LOVE this person. 

I must love them WELL.

Not waiting for them to deserve my kind attention.

Not waiting for them to reciprocate or return the affection.

This is not something that can be fabricated or faked.

God is going to have to do a miracle deep in my soul. He will have to change the way I see this person, the way I hear this person, the way I speak to this person. He'll have to give me a genuine desire to be around this person ... to want them to be near and dear to me ... like they are to God.

I believe God can and will do this because it aligns perfectly with His greatest desire.

He sets the example and supplies the strength; we simply submit and humbly and joyfully serve. All is well then.

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." -John 13:34-35

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;  it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Field of Dreams

Since the tickets were a gift, we weren't sure exactly what to expect. We could tell by the row and seat numbers that we would be sitting pretty close to home plate, so we were super excited for the 1:30 first pitch.

While Philip checked locations for parking options, I made sure to read up on guidelines and restrictions concerning food and handbags. We decided to grab a couple sausage biscuits from a drive through and quickly eat them in the rented parking spot before walking to the stadium toting our carefully packed almonds and cashews. Our plan was to splurge for a refillable souvenir cup in order to remain hydrated without spending a fortune.

We were dutiful in our efforts toward ensuring we had what we would need. You know: "So we can relax and enjoy the game."

Once we arrived at our seats and sat down, an usher greeted us. "May I interest you in a beer or soda?" Philip and I replied with a tidy, unified, "No, thanks." After a few seconds of pause, the usher said, "You don't even know what your ticket includes, do you?"

He proceeded to escort us down a private staircase which opened into an enormous restaurant housing a grand buffet of roast beef, coconut-crusted talapia, arugula salad, cheese cake, made-to-order crepes, and a full service of unlimited beverages. He clarified that we were welcome to come and go as we please throughout the entire game. Additionally, we had the option of simply requesting items to be brought to our seats. Back on our row just behind the on-deck circle, a server passed by our aisle every few minutes offering more drinks and snacks.

Everything we needed was already provided - more than we could have ever consumed. 

I must have looked ridiculous arriving to my plush seat with our regulation tote of assorted tree nuts. And those sausage biscuits gobbled down in the front seat of our car? Also ridiculous.

So because Philip doesn'tchat when the Rangers are playing, I had time to listen to what God was saying to me. How often do I scrounge and scarf to supply my perceived needs? So much energy is spent hashing out the guidelines - I scurry and skimp and cram stuff into compartments of my life hoping my provisions are compliant and sufficient. In the scope of eternity, my anxious posture is ridiculous. 

God promises to meet our needs, not according to limitations and regulations, but according to his riches! He has unlimited nourishment, boundless access and extravagant grace, and it is mine. I didn't pay for it. It is simply a marvelous gift. 

Wisdom, joy and peace come as I stop worrying about what I'll eat or drink (or where I'll park) like it depends on me, and begin again to walk humbly and confidently into His invitations fully aware that everything I need is ready to go.

Will I need to offer forgiveness? Got it. How will that work out? No idea, but He has a way. What if someone needs my patience? Not a problem. How will we be able to serve that person when we're already weary? He is able. Will there be enough? Always. The answer is yes and amen.

Do I need to worry about __________? Not at all. It has been taken care of.

You know what we can do? Receive it and enjoy.

Philippians 4:19 "And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus."