Sunday, November 27, 2022

Thankful & Blessed

 

A knock followed by happy hellos announces another round of fellowship. What quickly develops is another unique blend of friends who feel like family and family who have worked hard to become real friends.

Some people find a seat. Most stand in huddles at first. She listens and watches as seemingly from nowhere there is very much to discuss. Stationed in that comfy corridor between the sink and the stove, she finds her joy and purpose. She makes coffee, she wipes the counters, and she reminds the children to have walking feet. 

Often, there is a crock pot simmering, ready to feed a little or a lot at no particular time. Other times she relies on soup and sandwiches which can be made ready with little warning. There have been times when her best offering was toast and eggs. Her favorite times are when she knows there is plenty of food on the premises, but the critical ingredient is creativity. One backwoods not-quite-charcuterie spread coming right up!

She wanders from her post occasionally, but mostly she stays in that space where she feels useful and secure. Plus, the island is a magnet for great conversations and hilarity, so whether she is rinsing dishes or sipping coffee, she likes to keep her front-row seat. 

If she were anywhere else, she might feel responsible to ask questions and keep conversations going. But here, she just hovers with no eye contact, her ears wide open, her heart filling to the brim, and her mind free to dawdle in the depths. Eventually, the prepping, serving, and tidying work themselves out. 

By this time, pockets of people are sprinkled and spread throughout the home. College football, walks down the driveway, a puzzle between the sofas, lingering chats at the table, and the impromptu praise band of pianists and singers with the inclusion of a reluctant cellist, an enthusiastic baritone, and a weak, yet relentless recorder player.

People leave, but then a few more show up. The core gathering lasts for hours as dynamics revolve and refresh. And in the end, the crowd shrinks into a small herd of residential folks who resume their regular rhythms, and return to "normal". But they are better. They are satisfied and full having exchanged their gifts of unconditional love, and everyone feels thankful and blessed.

Friday, November 04, 2022

Formation

 


I have to tell God I am sorry. 

For doubting Him.

For my impatience in the waiting, and for becoming distracted by hypothetical narratives and possible exit strategies. 

I ask for wisdom, but what I really want is to know the future. Now. I give Him credit for calling me to a thing while the thing is pleasant. But should unpleasantness arise, I want out. I want to quit. I want to run.

I second-guess the hearing . . . and the answering . . . His and mine. Though I would never verbalize it, His goodness can feel unstable . . .  at the root of things, belief becomes entangled with distrust, and everything shifts in the darkness.

But I stay. Scant faith mixed with residual, reverent fear of His power and presence keeps me in place.

And I wait. 

And I wait some more.

Not like sitting still in a lobby. More like attending to a crowded table with courses and refills and the bussing of plates.

Busily waiting on Him. 

Endurance seems hard and unhappy.

His ways are higher though, and His desire is for me to be holy. He wants me to live free. He wants me to be transformed. 

I see it now . . . the way challenging circumstances prod me toward humility, and how discomfort drives me to pray like never before. I see it and I am [ultimately] grateful.

I'm thankful for the relief and renewal that I believe will continue to manifest, but I am also grateful for the stretching and the sorrow in the suspense. My capacity for compassion miraculously continues to increase. 

God is indeed good and kind and wise. 

And He is able . . . to forgive me every time I have to say I'm sorry.

*The Hope Cycle from Romans 5 . . .
And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.