I found myself crying out (literally) for God to help me. I have more than one friend who are facing huge challenges right now. I've told them I would pray for them. I have committed to pray more for my husband. At first, I thought, "If I can't pray effectively for myself, how in the world...?" I felt so beaten down about my own junk, but I started praying for them. At one point I was reading a book aloud to the children and was on "auto-pilot". Have you ever done that? You're pronouncing all the words and even reading with inflection, but your mind is a thousand miles elsewhere. Anyway, I was praying while reading aloud. (Don't TELL me I can't multi-task!) ANYWAY...I just started weeping. My emotional outpouring apparently did not correlate with the cheerful passage I was reading. The kids were MAJORLY confused.
I just needed God to show Himself and fill my heart with His calming assurance. During dinner preparations, I was praying more. (Multi-taskers of the world, unite!) One of the things I was praying for was our finances. I was actually praying something like, "It's ok, God, I'll be fine. I can work it out..." DO WHAT? I shut that line of prayer down hard. I straightened my shoulders, took a deep breath and asked, "God, You know I have $4 in my purse. I don't need anymore than that. I know that if I need more than that, You'll provide it. I love You."
Another recurring theme in my prayers was my relationship with my kids. I'm such a bear sometimes, I wonder if they'll ever want to come back to my house when they're grown. I don't want to be so cold and worn out all the time with them. I need refreshment and peace.
Across the table, this is how the Lord mercifully answered my prayer.
Ardyn: "When I grow up, I'm gonna live in Montana."
Landen: "Well, you better make sure you know how to get from here to there, and back again."
Ardyn: "Why?"
Luke: "You have to come to Thanksgiving!"
As I loaded the car to run folks to practice, this is how My Father in Heaven lovingly provided for my need before I even had one. I picked up the tumbler of water from my last excursion, and noticed something lining the bottom of the drink holder...a mysterious, crisply folded twenty dollar bill. (It will be fun to see what need arises...He and I will get a jolly smile outa that one!)
I leave you with the comforting lyrics of Fernando Ortega referencing Psalm 36...
Oh God, You are my God;
Earnestly I seek You.
My soul thirsts for You,
And my flesh yearns for You
In a dry and weary land
Where there is no water.
I remember You at night,
Through the watches of the night.
In the shadow of Your wings
I sing because You help me.
My soul clings to You,
And Your hand upholds me.
You alone, You alone,
You alone, You alone.
