My kids keep seeing Mother's Day advertisements on TV and at the store. They think it's been Mother's Day for about 2 weeks, now. Throughout the day, Ardyn and Ashli present me with carefully folded notes that usually depict the three of us riding horses, or dressed up and singing on stage at "American Idol". The boys offer to make me meals, and continue to do extra chores to "celebrate". They are so sweet to love me, especially considering the moody week we just wrapped up --no pun intended.
Today, we were all sitting around the living room reading and talking. I was grinning at something Ashli had said. Landen looked across the room at me and smiled. "I love it when you smile, Momma, 'cause that's when you know it's gonna be a good day." I wanted to cry. Do I have THAT much influence on the emotional climate our lives? Is it so remarkable that I am smiling? How often does he glance across the room to check my demeanor? How often am I NOT smiling? I finally asked, "Do I not smile very often?" Then they all began to list off incidents they could remember. The "Mommy Memorial" covered 6 years and included a myriad of emotions ranging from irritated to irate. I was crushed with embarrassment and shame. I honestly had no recollection of most of the "one times" they referred to. I wanted so desperately to trace it back to some post-partum, pre-menstral, oft-pregnant condition that would allow me to get out of jail free. I stopped myself. Regardless of extenuating circumstance, there is no excuse for being unloving to anyone, anywhere, anytime. Certainly not toward "gifts" from the Father, Himself. I rendered my public apology, and explained that I needed to be forgiven so that these bad times could be "remembered no more". My darlings were eager to put the past behind us. I am putting my best face forward.
Dear Father, You have blessed me with these beautiful, precious gifts. Thank You. There are days that I try so incredibly hard to succeed. Then there are days when I'm tired and weary. Every day I fall short. Pour out Your grace to cover my multitude of shortcomings. Help me be humble and transparent with my children. Be near us as we learn to trust You and depend on You for EVERY thought, word, and deed...and facial expression. It is by grace alone, that we accomplish anything of merit. Thank You for saving me. Give me courage and strength to "work out my salvation with fear and trembling." I want to finish the task. I want to be obedient. I want You to be pleased with my life. I love You. Bless all the dear children....and their handsome dad.
