Change It Up

Accept the Challenge HERE

Something had to change.

In January I took a break from social media. I wasn't sure how hooked I was, but I could sense an unhealthy preoccupation. Once I deleted the apps, out of habit I still slid one screen and tapped the top right app every time I opened my phone. Muscle memory glitched for a couple days. 

The noticeable hiccups were when I thought of something, or when my kids did something funny ... it was like a tree falling in a forest. If no one on social media saw it and laughed, was it really funny?

Without a daily alert of birthdays across the country,  I was limited to sending well-wishes to friends and family whose birthday was already in my calendar or consciousness.

All our January birthdays and our anniversary were celebrated in the quiet, undocumented vibrance of real life.

I started texting photos and some of my musings to individual friends. I enjoyed the chatting that resulted from my need to be heard.

I started asking people how they were doing and checking in with a wider array of friends. I enjoyed the connection that resulted from my desire to hear from others.

I read books and wrote essays, and organized my closet. I took walks and worked puzzles and wondered what I was missing. And, I started watching TV, which I do not enjoy, but it was an easy filler for those mindless moments of vegetative lounging.

I read the Bible every day. I was present with my kids. I'd like to say I began to floss, but that would be a lie. There is so little hope for me in that area.

Eventually, several weeks later, I reloaded the apps and enjoyed freshly appointed boundaries like "only on Friday night and saturday" or "not while kids are awake". 

One little taste of freedom helped me to reconsider the habits I had coasted into, and to recommit to better manage my media consumption. It seems like it may be time for another reset, so we've decided to host a 5-Day Change-It-Up Challenge: swapping our scrolling for a good bit of freedom. 

Freedom from preoccupation, comparison, approval-seeking, isolation (that masquerades as connection), and freedom from dull inactivity.

Who thinks a break sounds timely? It's five days. May 10-14. You can do anything for five days! Just a taste. It will be a challenge, but I promise it will be fun!

Everyone who agrees to the challenge will receive five daily emails filled with ideas and inspiration to help you along the way. You can also opt in to receiving a text each morning and evening for an extra boost of encouragement. Each person who accepts the challenge is encouraged to gather a few friends who know about the challenge ... so that whether or not they also join, they at least have fair warning that you may indeed blow up their inbox with silly photos of your pets for a couple days. At the end of the 5 days, we CELEBRATE!!

If scrolling has you bogged and you're ready to change it up, Accept the Five-Day Change-It-Up Challenge HERE to enjoy a tiny taste of freedom. We hope you'll join the fun!

*Sign-ups will close next Saturday. Then the day after Mother's Day is GO-Time!! Change-It-Up Challenge: M-F, May 10-14 with real life gathering on Saturday, May 15.

Join the Change-It-Up Challenge HERE

Looking for Lovely

My mom was sick on picture day and I remember feeling INCREDIBLY happy with my self-presentation.

I love this precious girl so much!

Deep in my soul I long for those bright and simple days BEFORE someone mentioned she might need braces, BEFORE anyone commented on her "five-finger forehead", BEFORE she began to use people's opinions to nurture insecurities about her clothing choices and whether or not they cast unfavorable light upon her imperfections.

If I could go back to see 1978-Cari, I'd just squeeze her cheerful face and kiss her on the [spacious] brow and say, "You ARE lovely and so completely loveable just the way you are!!"

Since I can't go back, I'll do my best to love 2021-Cari, and to make the most of the kissable brows of beautiful girls all around me.

Atta Kid

Award ceremonies conjur the most vivid (slightly exaggerated) memories.

When I was in 5th grade I missed the memo and arrived at the end-of-year award ceremony in my school clothes. 

Lovely, little well-informed girls took turns lining the stage dressed in their delicate Easter frocks. 

And I, having endured a series of growth spurts, stood towering over their precious parade in my sky blue terry cloth izod polo tucked into Lee Jeans with a 4-inch cuff at the ankles because I was still rounder than I was tall. And because I rarely do things half-way, my sneakers were scuffed and my bangs were sweaty from safety patrol crosswalk duty after school. 

Award after award. Back up to the stage I trudged ...  to greet the principal with one hand, grab the paper with the other, force a smile toward the flashing bulb, and return to my seat. On and on it went.

Were there ever a year where mediocrity might have mercifully spared me. But no. Relentless excellence. "Cari Walker" clap clap clap clap. Oh.my.word.make.it.stop.can.we.go.now. 

This might be why I read EVERY word of EVERY email and save them ALL. And why I hate Easter dresses and crowds. 

Good night.

Enough Already

When I got married, someone gifted me a subscription to Southern Living. Oh my goodness, it was a gorgeous magazine... page after page of beautifully adorned spaces and scratchmade deliciousness. 

A couple times a month, I would fancy up my menu or suddenly became convinced that we needed different throw pillows.

I loved thumbing through the pages with friends and pointing out our favorite parts of each image, so I kept a few copies stacked cleverly on my coffee table. It was a welcomed little peek into a delightful dream world of decor and design, and it rested gently on our garage sale furniture surrounded by brown shag carpet in our vintage parsonage.

 

A few years into our marriage, Philip ordered DirectTV. I wasn't a fan of TV in general, but when they stuck an HG in front of it, I was hooked. All week long, there were shows filled with helpful hints and creative ideas for maintenance, decoration, and hospitality. 

Every week, I would reconsider an organizing strategy, or tackle a new project, or suddenly become convinced that we needed more throw pillows.

I remember laughing at myself in pity, thinking, "Before seeing this, I just figured my pillows were ok. But now I am distracted by the idea that they are probably not ok."

All these years later, is this what is happening today with [social] media? 

All day every day ... 

seeds of discontent are 

planted in beds of comparison

and fertilized with filtered fake and 

they are sprouting up

insecurity and despair 

into all the facets of life - 

not just pillows and puff pastries

but vacations, relationships, wellness, and every part of parenting. 

The inspiring information no longer arrives in a concise format once per month. The motivational campaign for more and more improvement isn't contained to the living room television. The onslaught of sirens - unsolicited excessivity and unrealistic expectations is everywhere every minute. Unless you tell it not to be. Dam it.

Make it stop. At least some of the time. We can be intentional about our rhythms and defaults. Construct a barrier that holds it all at bay. Design a system where you can access appropriate amounts of external stimulus that fuel your creativity and joy. Unless we govern our intake, the sheer volume will take us out. Dam it for good.

I struggle with this on the regular, so if you need a buddy, holler. But since we're here, I want you to hear me say this: you are great, I mean it. 

Of course you're not perfect, but I sincerely believe you are an incredible work in progress. I bet there are a couple areas in life where you are absolutely thriving. Remind yourself and high five! 

And it's also wise to identify something to work on, so that you can take a tiny step toward more freedom and joy today. You can do it, I know you can! 

Also, no matter what you suddenly notice, your throw pillows are terrific. I promise.

More or Less

Someone told me recently, "You have the capacity for this!" 

I wanted to punch her. Not really; it just made me uneasy because I know for a fact I do not. 

I feel AT capacity. I want less on my plate. I want margin and elbow room and breathing space. I want to relax. 

While there have certainly been times in which pushing pause was the obedient action, lately it seems that God is stretching me. He is asking me to pick up the pace, to find my stride in the fullness, and to push harder. I choose intervals of pause for quick recovery only to begin again.

And honestly things are a bit of a mess. This plan makes me uneasy. It seems UN-easy.

But today it occurred to me. Perhaps - in this season where my inadequacies are glaring and distracting - He is once again offering grace enough. Maybe He is simply asking me to invest all the energy I have toward emptying myself and surrendering to the stretch. 

He is establishing and optimizing my capacity.

I'm considering once more this divine engineering ... where more can be accomplished when we are not only containers for His purposes, but conduits for His power and love.

And to the people who happen upon my hefty sighs and to those who unfortunately observe the awkward complaints of all this stretching, I appreciate your mercy as well. I promise God is not finished yet. Hold, please ...

☑Approved

God sees us at our worst. 

But when He looks at us, it is through a lens of possibility and redemption, as though we are at our best - in the light of His forgiveness and favor. 

He is so firm in His assessment and so confident in His love that/because His Son, Jesus, paid our way and made a way. 

He IS the Way. Our acceptance of this gift secures our own acceptance.

Why in the world would we stoop to seek the approval of man?

☑APPROVED