The other morning, Philip and I ran some early morning errands. Before the household was fully awake, he and I left to drop off one car, then get the oil changed in another. As we drove back toward home, he asked if he could take me to breakfast. I crinkled up my nose at the notion of going into "public" with a ball cap on and no make-up.He stared at me like I was crazy.
"You look really cute!" He blurted out with sincere adoration. He could not see or comprehend my perceived problem.
With gentle patience, he compromised by going through a drive-thru. We were still able to enjoy our last few moments of morning togetherness before we each had to begin our regular morning routines; and there would be other days in which to argue about my ridiculousness.
As I thought back through his offer and my refusal, I saw a glimpse into my pitiful existence.
This man loves me unconditionally. He sees me in my most natural state most often. And when he sees me, he sees me as though I were at my best in the most favorable light. He is so firm in his assessment of me and so confident in his love for me, that he cannot imagine my insecurities.
Who am I trying to impress? My husband who chooses to love me forever and knows me best says that I'm beautiful. Why would I argue with that?
I wonder if God feels similarly toward me.
He created me with certain beauty - in His image. And yet, I demand to slather cosmetics all over my face and cajole my wiry hair to be either sleek or curly. Then, with all masks properly in place, I deem myself presentable: worthy of public exposure.
Worthy. What is God's idea of worthy? He desires that I confess my sins and be forgiven. He promises I can be clean and whole and free. Beautiful in His time. And still, I wrinkle my face up at the idea of mingling around the planet bare and honest. I'd rather just smear on some smoothing concealer: "I'm good." I'm more comfortable teasing and spritzing so my natural self is hard to discern and easy to overlook. I value presentation over integrity.
I wonder how many times Jesus has wanted to go with me into public and commune with me there ... allowing any who might notice to see our love for one another, and primarily His confident love toward me. Have I grimaced at the invitation? Consumed by doubts and insecurities ... grounded in my own self-absorption.
This Man, Jesus, loves me unconditionally. He sees me in my most natural state. And when He sees me, He sees me as though I were at my best - in the Light of His favor and Love. He is so firm in His assessment of me and so confident in His love for me, that He gave His life to grant me security.
Who am I trying to impress (or fool)? My Creator who chooses to love me forever and knows me best says that I'm beautiful. Why would I argue with that?
Dear God, thank You for Philip. Thank You for loving me so deeply through him. I want to be more confidently honest with both of you. Please help me. Heal my wounds. Rescue me from me. I pray for all my sisters ... in those times when our husbands struggle or fail to demonstrate Your unconditional love. Encourage us today. You are the Lover of our souls. You satisfy our heart's desires. You adore us and say we are beautiful. May we glorify You by finding our strength and joy in You ... and trusting You to give us everything we need for our good and Your glory.
