As hard as I tried to be grateful and see things through Kingdom perspective, I failed.
Honest wounds held silent then shed their coat and became fertile seeds of bitterness--finding deep rest and consistent nurture in the dishonest garden of my soul.
Plants sprung overnight.
Wiry and wild --aggressive weeds of passivity and thorns of disdain.
In silence and false submission I kept trying to get over it. I kept trying to move on.
I kept trying.
Then I had to stop. Stop trying. Stop murmuring. Stop raging. Stop.
And start over.
Confession. Confession of sin, one with another.
Confession of hurt, perceived as real.
Confession of hope, claiming what forgiveness and abundant life might offer.
Confession of intent, a reformed resolve to trust harder than I try.
And in this grassy ground, this freshly weeded soil, I build my "Ebenezer" - my stone of help. (1Sam7:12) A reminder of God's faithfulness up to this point in the journey. (Joshua 4:4-24)
The foundation of this monument: Christ, who gave Himself up in every way.
And each small uttered stone, lain upon each other....words of grace to remember this place.
"Thank you for sharing your heart. Thank you for your heart."
"I'm sorry and I want to be forgiven."
"I forgive you."
"I will do a better job leading this family so you don't have to run it."
"Dear Jee-thus, thank you for the dead deer. We love you. Amen."
"Dear God, please, please, please help us find my Momma's wedding ring." -A soul-honest prayer innocently offered through quivering lips.
Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,
Till released from flesh and sin,
Yet from what I do inherit,
Here Thy praises I'll begin;
Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Here by Thy great help I’ve come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
