Monday, July 05, 2010

Confessions of a Sissy Momma

Ok, I'm gonna fess up.

This morning, as Landen was getting out the door to enjoy a week away at youth camp...

How should I phrase this?

I absolutely had a medium sized meltdown.

In the moment, I found justification in the fact that I accidentally discovered that his packing efforts had omitted a pillow, shoes, and 3 pair of pants.

But now that it's night time, and I'm alone, and it's time to get REAL honest...

My tantrum was not about linens and things. It was just a plain ol' "My Baby!!!" hissy fit. Please tell me you've had one or more of these.

Personally, I don't believe I ever have. Cognitively, I know he's entrusted into capable, if not loving hands. Spiritually, I know he belongs to the Utmost in Capability and Love. But emotionally. Boy howdy.

I don't even know where he is tonight. Oklahoma. Philip knows. Other parents know, I would imagine.

But I have remained conveniently uninformed lest - in a moment of maternal weakness - I find myself driving 6 hours to see if he's met any new friends or if he's properly laying his wet rec clothes out to dry before stuffing them into the plastic dirty clothes bag. It's simply better if I don't know.

To complicate the emotional atmosphere, the girls wanted to watch home videos tonight - vintage 2002 footage...

Landen tickling Baby Ashlin to get her to grin.

Landen climbing our highest tree with his dad.

Landen explaining how he's always wanted a "mongoose racer".

In one scene, Landen is strumming his tennis racket, and singing in his best country twang, "I love my Momma & I love my Daddy....they are always in my heart!"

I was a gonner.

Now I'm better. (not really, but it's time to move on:)

All I can say is that Philip better hurry home from that softball game.

The longer I'm awake in this quiet house, my options narrow down to: binge a thousand calories and go to bed, or google "WOW camp in Ok" and see what kind of mileage we're lookin' at.

Thank You, Lord, for Landen and that he's growing up. You know I don't really want him to stay little, it's just hard to let go a little at a time. Keep Him in Your watch care - just like You do every night. Thank You for that! Blanket him with Your Presence tonight - unless it's hot in the cabin, at that point a fresh breeze of Your Presence might be nice. You'll do the perfect thing, I know. Help me do my part to train him but help me trust You more:) I love YOU!