I love my husband more than my kids.
Does that bother you? It bothers some. I was recently challenged to "pray through that" by someone whom it bothers. As I continue to pray, I need to get some of my thoughts out, and this seemed like the place for it.
Concerning Capacity:
I love my husband more than I love my kids.
I have never used the term "less than" in some warped reciprocal rephrasing.
I love my kids.
I love them with everything in me.
I love my husband with everything in me.
There just seems to be more of "me" aligned with the task of loving him.
Concerning Commitment:
Philip and I are "one". [Gen 1:23-24]
And though my children began as "part of me", their birth was the first step down a path of separation that will ultimately end with each of them becoming "one" with their spouse.
One day Landen will love his wife more than he loves me. [Gen 1:23-24]
Today I love my husband more than I love Landen.
Is that unreasonable?
Concerning Confidence:
Each night (except for some date nights) Philip kisses the girls good night and sweetly offers questions. The answers to which repetitively and consistently solidify security.
"Who loves you the most?"
"God" [1 John 3:1]
"And who else?"
"Jesus"
"And who else?"
"You and Mommy"
They KNOW we love them. They feel it. They see it. They know it. But we've given them a glimpse of a wonderful mystery. They've been told that we love each other even more than THAT.
Our deep love for one another does not diminish the love they receive from us. They know our love for them to be true and marvel that a relationship exists where there is more. It's in their future.
Psychologists say a child's security is directly linked to the extent to which he is confident that his parents love each other.
Concerning Core:
Creation begins with a garden, a man, and a helper-girl. (Zero kiddos in the garden) God created Eve for Adam and at the end of the day, said "It is very good". He told them to be fruitful and multiply, but didn't wait for kids to be around for it to be "good". [Gen 1:27-31] He didn't tell them to add to their family. He said multiply. To me, that means "raise children who will leave you, cleave to another, and raise more children. Philip and I ARE the core family. All these little blessings will be leaving at some point, and our core family will still be intact. I hear people say to newlyweds, "When are you going to start a family?" That ship has sailed, people!
Children are gifts from God and we welcome and treasure those gifts.
There is a difference between getting special attention and being the center of attention. We try to show each of our children special attention: special activities, special words, special days, special gifts. But to give them the idea that they are/will ever be the center of attention is misleading (and I think, cruel).
Christ is at the center of our family. Our world revolves around HIM. No one else can take that spot....no matter how cute they are.
Concerning Communication:
I asked Ashli this morning if she knew I loved her daddy more than I loved her. She smiled and said, " oh yeah." I asked her if that bothered her. She said, "nah". I asked her if anybody in the world loved her more than I did, and she smiled and said, "only God and Jesus...that's it."
None of my children seem to have difficulties with this issue. I've polled them all this morning. They're cool with it.
I'd welcome any review or rebuttal. My mind is open, and I'm praying through it.
CDJ
