This photo was taken nine years ago in Orlando. Ten minutes before this selfie, I had been bawling my eyes out at lunch, trying to hash out all my big feelings about life and calling and joy.
I was overwhelmed by mediocrity and status quo. I wanted more. I wanted freedom and beauty, but when your life is intertwined in covenant with another human, you can only do so much inner pining. You have to find a way to let them in on your upheaval.
*And that might look like blubbering over a basket of fried shrimp across a noisy table at Bubba Gump's. "Waitress, can we have a few more napkins [again]?"
Philip heard me out, shared his own thoughts, and we walked away feeling emptied, filled, and unified. I didn't want to take this picture. But it was like the other thousand opportunities he has offered me over the years to get.over.myself. so I am grateful to have it.
One year later we were back in Orlando eating at that Hard Rock in the distance, looking at photos of baby Asa for the first time, surrendering everything in the hope of gaining something more.
I am learning to no longer fear the unrest. (Still not a fan of selfies in real time ha.)
The tilling turmoil of holy discontent is often a necessary preparation for the growth of something grand.
