Life Lessons from 2020

With galvinized gratitude, I'll carry these five truths into 2021 come what may.

1. Nothing is certain. Nothing at all is ever certain. We get our hopes up, and we get let down. Repetitively. We change everything about our habits for an unseen danger, and it doesn't seem to make much difference at all.

2. I am an idolater. I depend on boundaries and agendas. I long for predictability that I call peace. I love and live for plans of my own design. How do I know these are potential idols? Because when they toppled to the ground this year, my world went spinning. Had my hope and trust truly rested in the sovereign faithfulness of Jesus, I could have avoided a good bit of the chaos. Fortunately, I have been able to wade through the rubble to find Him reigning unscathed, holding my hand all along, offering me His lordship once again.

3. I do NOT wish to live as a cave-dwelling hermit. The joke has been: "If you were trapped on a deserted island alone ..." and I pounce in to say, "Stop right there! That sounds amazing!" Thanks to covid, I endured 18 days of solitude, nowhere to go, no responsibilities, and varying levels of health. It was awful. Solitude has lost its lure, and I now whole-heartedly crave communion and fellowship. Please don't mistake this as a longing for crowds ... I hated them before 2020 and I'll maintain my aversion henceforth.

4. I'm not alone. Yes, Immanuel, God is here, and all the Merry Christmas cards. But I'm also not the only one. I'm not alone as I have faced ridiculous challenges this year. You have too. So have they. All around me I see people who are grieving and adjusting and wrestling with reality. People are down-trodden with the cumbersome task of holding out hope. There are many times I have had just enough faith to pipe some courage into a stream of texts, just enough memory to recite promises over the phone, just enough grace to show patience and partnership. And there were a hundred more times when friends and family have offered the truth and love I need in that precise moment. God is on the move and He's still working in and through His loved ones.

5. Teachability is critical. Look alive. Live and learn. It is all gonna be good.

Come As You Are

When my dad was pastor of our church in Washington, there was a season in which he chose to emphasize being a cheerful giver in a clever way. At each gathering, when it came time for the offering, he would pause and give special instructions.

He would explain to the congregation that our fellowship believed that giving back to God was important and meaningful, and that we wanted every single person to be included. For that reason, before the collection plates were passed, there was a giving and receiving that took place among the crowd.

"If you have come here today with plenty to share," Dad would say, "please make sure that those around you have something to put in the plate. If you are here, and for whatever reason, find yourself with nothing to offer, I assure you there is a neighbor who is ready to share. In community, we'll be fully prepared for our time of worship through giving."

I remember sitting there as a college student home on break, holding only my Bible (because my purse had clashed with my skirt or something) assuming I could skip out on the ol' offering plate. But no. Silly Pastor Guy was super into group work, generosity, and gratitude so off the script we stepped.

I had arrived late and had taken a seat on the back edge of the crowd, so I wasn't sitting near anyone with whom I felt close enough to beg. I just sat there, empty hands resting on the leather Bible in my lap. After staring at my crossed leg for several seconds, watching the toe of my shoe gently kick the air in subtle rhythmic nervousness, I knew I had to engage.

In the purposeful pause filled with a hushed and happy hub-bub, I glanced up to find several people waiting to catch my eye, ready to share what they had with me. With a forced grin, I took two quarters from the kind-looking woman reaching across the aisle. I steadied my posture square in my seat again, relieved to have my problem solved, annoyed that THIS was my dad's way of building culture, and slightly resentful that I had gotten all tangled up in it.

But once the blinding throbs of social anxiety dissipated, I realized there was a peaceful sense of joy spreading through the room and filling my heart as well.

The next Sunday, not only did I have my tithes prepared, but I also had a couple loose dollar bills ready to share with anyone who needed them.

*Silly Preacher Dude was not a stupid man.

This Christmas maybe you're like me, and you feel like you're showing up a little empty-handed for this whole thing. Tardy and tired, you feel you have nothing to give. I hope you'll keep your seat! Help is on the way. You'll have to look up past your own two feet and brave an unexpected connection to humbly receive. Come as you are. Community is happening. Joy and peace await!

Perhaps this Christmas, you're like me, and you feel a great deal of compassion and sympathy for those who are along the edges, waiting quietly in need. I hope you'll look around! You'll need to lock eyes with a stranger or friend, and brave an unexpected connection to humbly offer grace. Come as you are. Community is happening. Joy and peace await!

Faithful and True

One year ago my sister-in-law, Samantha, gave us the sweetest gift by inviting us to share in her new beginning. She and Chris were baptized and married right on our back patio! ❤

Recently, she sent several of us the following message. I asked her for permission to share because it feels criminal to keep all this beauty and grace under wraps. This "Happy Anniversary" is filled with bright hope and beautiful glimpses of ordinary-made-holy. Our redeemer is faithful and true.

. . .

This past year has been a struggle for most of the world, but for me, it's been the best year of my life. God saw me and delivered me. During 2020 I've lived "my best life" with God's grace, mercy, love and blessings.

Literally overnight, God changed my life. I was an empty shell; homeless, hopeless, an I.V. drug addict who was resigned to my fate one day. But the next day, Chris found me, loved me despite our past, and Jesus showed me my future. I have never looked back. I have not even wanted to look back. 

I am married to the kind of man my Daddy was - not perfect, a little rough around the edges but at the end of the day, a good man whom I can trust to do right by me, no matter the cost to him. Chris loves me the way I need to be loved, without him even knowing that's the way he loves me. I became a mother, grandmother, sister and daughter again as well.

I've been clean one year. That alone, for this addict of 20 years, is a miracle. That was just the beginning of what Jesus had in store for me. I am redeemed through Jesus Christ. I am blessed within every aspect of my life. I am humbled more, every day by His love for me.
 -Samantha

2 Peter 3:9 The Lord isn’t slow about keeping his promises, as some people think he is. In fact, God is patient, because he wants everyone to turn from sin and no one to be lost. 

Advent 2020: PEACE

The perfect gift? These shortened days that stack up with food and friends and family ... these holy-days set apart for "celebration" so often stir up pain and unrest.

Why is THIS the season for misunderstandings,  loneliness, frustrations, heart-breaking memories, happy memories drearied by missing loved ones, or the angst of coordinating plans with people in our past who require perpetual forgiveness?

It is not all twinkle bells and jingle swells ... sometimes it is cry yourself to sleep on a cold December eve. No amount of intentionality or prayerful perspective can fully shield us, because life is hard and unpredictable. 

The solution is not the false peace of isolation, and it's not the pacification offered in the numbing noise of multi-media. 

The answer is Jesus. He came to reveal the Truth and show us the Way that is far better.

Like being brave and humble and kind as we offer honesty. 

Like being selfless and encouraging as we offer help. 

And being patient as we receive each person [who is potentially privately hurting] right where they are today. Chances are: they are doing the best they can.

His life given for ours makes it possible for us to change the world. "Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

Follow Jesus as your love and presence offer the perfect gift - a steady step toward peace on earth.

Advent 2020: HOPE

When it is too hard to get your hopes up, find rest and let HOPE come down.

Matthew 1:20 "But while he thought on these things, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a dream, saying, Joseph, thou son of David, fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife; for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost." 

"But while he thought on these things..." Sometimes you just have to mull stuff over. When life doesn't go the way you assumed it might. When facts are confusing and gut-feelings can't be calmed. When you are in a period of "thinking on things", "BEHOLD"! Look out! Take Heart! God can show up. 

And this is the message He speaks...

I know you.

I know your name. 

I know where you come from.

Don't be afraid.

I know what's on your mind.

Do not be afraid.

I am working in this situation.

I'm in it and through it and over it:)

Then you step out in fresh hope to faithfully watch the Truth unfold.

Not Home Yet

My freshman year of college, I was two thousand miles from home and could only manage one mid-year flight home at Christmas. So for Thanksgiving I was on my own. I had a stellar group of friends who all pledged their hospitality, but the invitation that caught my attention was from a fellow voice major who said his family had plans to visit his grandmother. He had mentioned before that his grandmother lived in the tiny town where my dad was a pastor the year I started kindergarten. Something about being in a familiar place appealed to my fragile feelings and solitary status.  

My mom was so relieved to hear of my plans to spend Thanksgiving Day with new friends and a kind family. I explained what I knew of the connection to our town and shared the name of my friend’s grandmother. She recalled, “Oh, yes. I remember her. She lived in a big house just outside of town. She was wonderful and sweet.” 

Thanksgiving Day we exited the interstate and traveled the bumpy miles down the turnpike, and then onto the county road into the heart of the sleepy downtown. We passed the church with the golden beehive brickwork and memories flooded my thoughts. Lingering at the stop sign, my friend patiently smiled as I verbally waded through the stream of excited observations. “That’s the door to my dad’s office! Oh, my gosh, my brother and I would sit under that awning and wait on him. I think that’s the fellowship hall over there … oh man, that courtyard. I remember!” 

What a gift to step into a snapshot from my childhood. We turned left and then left again a block later. Everything seemed familiar but barely recognizable. “I’m pretty sure we lived on one of these streets … like just a block or two from the church,” I said.  We pulled up to park along the curb of a yellow brick house with a carport and small concrete porch. “Are we here? I thought your Grandmother lived west of town,” I said confused.  “Oh, yeah. She used to. But after Grandpa died, she traded deeds with the church, so that the big house outside of town is the parsonage, and she lives here now where she is close to everything.” 

Was I walking up “my” front sidewalk to join cheerful strangers for casseroles and pie? 

I noticed the built-in storage above the carport. Nostalgic hopes and nagging uncertainties compelled me to get a closer look. “You wanna look inside? It’s cool.” My friend unlatched the door to the stairs. 

We crawled onto the squeaky loft, and pulled the chain to the single lightbulb hanging from the rafters. There, on one of the beams, were faded markings with names and dates. 

About four feet up the wall, a notch was labeled: “Cari – 1976". 

This was my house. 

Can you believe how sweet our Heavenly Father is? On my first holiday away from home, He worked it out for me to return to a bit of home. 

I love Him for a thousand reasons, but today I love Him for loving me that way – because it was an unexpected gift of faithfulness then, and it has served as a gift of expectant faith every day since then. 

He will never leave us alone, and His love cannot fail.

Grace Out of Bounds

I was that girl being horrifyingly stupid and unwise. I lived against my calling. I chose self. I turned my face toward the temptations … searching for affection, affirmation and fun. I trampled the boundaries, and grace found me.

It was a supernaturally protective favor that somehow spared me a good deal of chaos along with the natural consequences of my choices. It was a quiet exchange, and only a few folks were aware of the huge amount of forgiveness and healing my decisions required. Sadly, the whole, holy transaction was secretly and stubbornly held in denial for years.

For decades, my quest for good veered foolishly toward neat and tidy. And in this merciless existence, everyone in my life suffered for it.

There is a way to live more fully.

Our quest for good turns out to be a cumbersome,  grievous-at-times grace discovery - a daily journey in which we acknowledge the mercies falling fresh, and allow grace to fill us - to gently overflow as we speak truth and shine light for the lost. Because God is writing the same story in their lives too, they may one day confess, “I trampled the boundaries, and grace found me.”

It can be a supernaturally provisional favor that somehow restores order and compensates for the natural consequences of our choices. It can be a bold ruckus where many people are aware of the huge amount of forgiveness and healing our decisions require. And if we are brave enough to battle against our yearning for neat and tidy, the whole, holy transaction will be beautifully undeniable for years.

God has established righteous boundaries. Fear him and obey.

God extends his boundless grace moment by moment. Look for it. Live in it. Obey him and do not be afraid.

Faith For The Journey

I am rounding a bend, begging God to speak to me, to show me where to stand and when to move.

I believe with my whole heart that he can reveal Himself, so I watch for a burning bush, I listen for audible guidance, I wait for the mountains to move.

But He seems stationary and still, as if to be slowly and silently blinking back while I stare into His presence.

All I can discern is a directive rhythm. A faint cadence to follow: Keep stepping. Keep seeking. Keep surrendering. 

Courage and calling combust deep in my soul until the daunting seems doable. I can see Him.

Scriptural lyrics stream through my mind - gently carving a curvy path for my heart to follow. I can hear Him.

Little by little, step by step, around this bend and that, I keep following until the mountains that had towered before me now lay low behind me.

Faith. The kind that moves mountains. That is what He wants to grow inside of me. And you.

Keep stepping. Keep seeking. Keep surrendering. He's got this.

Hindsight

What was your word for this year? I hit the ground RUNNING in 2020 ... heralding "hope" in Jesus. 🙄

He was my "rock", my "firm foundation", my "all in all!" 👍

Except that - evidently - I was wrong. Sadly, mid-March I fell very much apart, and it was not because Jesus shifted his focus or diminished his influence. 

What crumbled beneath me were my predictable plans, my assumptions about control and convenience, and my intentionally established boundaries. All of that imploded, and . . . wait for it . . . then did I.

This is the sin that covid has exposed. My lip service to a sustaining faith in Christ alone has been put to the test and I have been left wanting. In all practicality my hope and faith had been firmly planted upon my own schemes and schedules. 

And that's not the worst of it. Had Corona not ambushed us all in the way that it did, it is possible that I could have lived foolishly blind to my own entrapment for YEARS. I shudder at the thought.

It is August Eve Eve, and the humiliation of oblivion and failure is slowly being replaced with willful humility. 

Jesus sustains me as I sketch my plans lightly, committing to anticipate and receive the unexpected. 

God provides for me as I relinquish my desire for control and rebuke my idolatry toward convenience. 

Spirit helps me look for healthy boundaries in order to increase my freedom to show love, not decrease my opportunity to do so. 

And I leave the rest to rest. 🙏

Every quarter hour, I seem to falter in my mind, and I have to re-engage my heart to trust the Lord. 

"On Christ the solid rock I [try to not try so hard to] stand. 🙌

All other ground is sinking sand." ☑

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭13:12‬ ‭ 

"Hallelujah! I have found Him

Whom my soul so long has craved!

Jesus satisfies my longings,

Through His blood I now am saved."