Last summer I tried and tried to convince Landen NOT to wear the black tank top with his swim trunks. Beyond girlish tan lines and the conjured images of Bing Crosby in a 1930’s beach musical, it was just strange. He had a decent enough reason for wearing a shirt: the tag at the back of his shorts was “itchy”. Tucking the undershirt into his waistband solved the problem. Oh? I hadn’t mentioned the black tank top was tucked in?? Yes sirree!
Anyway, gentle prod after pointed discussion brought about ZERO change.
Until…he attended a Jr. High lake party. He magically returned home cleansed of all his warped stylistic preferences. In Landen’s words: “This girl with blond hair looked at me weird and I asked her what she was looking at and she just looked at my shirt one more time and said, ‘Nothin’.”
Super. I WISH I could have been part of the solution, but ultimately, as long as he’s not flaunting the “tank ‘n’ trunk” ensemble anymore, I’m pleased.
Next issue. For months, Landen has had a rash of sorts behind his ear. He scratches it all day and it gets raw and then spreads. We have seen the doctor twice about it. We have some medicine that keeps the skin clear as long as it is applied consistently. Therein lies the problem. Landen is 13. Consistency is not his strongest suit. It’s not really my strongest suit either, but I’ve already got an infant and a preschooler who NEED me to gear any consistency I’ve mastered toward the forefront of their personal hygienic maintenance. I’m only one woman!
Over the months, my frustration with his chronic “grossness” behind his ear has led to several different tactical approaches. I threatened to shave his head if he didn’t stop scratching it. I promised to withhold meals if he hadn’t properly applied the medication. I even authorized anyone who saw him scratching his ear to slap his hand…hard! I preached and I nagged. I begged and I griped. I pleaded and punished.
Then… a couple weeks ago I noticed he had clipped his fingernails down to the quick. He said he did it so he wouldn’t scratch his ear. “AH-HA! I’ve made a break though!” I congratulated myself. In the following days he began to proudly display the clean and clear skin behind his ear. My naive assumption that my eloquence and influence had won him over to a life of cleanliness was short lived.
Yesterday in the kitchen, I told him how pleased I was that he was making such consistently mature decisions about his ear. I waited for his “Shucks, Mom, you really are the best for patiently proving to me the importance of personal hygiene!”
To my disgrace, it sounded like this. “Well, Mom, you know a couple Wednesday nights ago? I was sitting in Bible Study and just as I reached up to scratch my ear, this blond girl behind me kind of coughed. I’m not sure if she saw my ear and thought it was gross, but I stopped scratching and pulled my hair over my ears just in case. When I got home I cut my nails and washed my ears really well and put the medicine on. I’ve been putting it on about 6 times a day since then. It’s working!”
A blond girl clears her throat, and the boy has revival in his life.
I’m done. I’m hirin’ me a blond girl with squinty eyes and a tickle in her throat. I’m gonna give her a list. She’s gonna change my world!
