On the Agenda

Kids come running in to show me this page from MY scrapbook like it's a novel discovery. (Yep. I was there, you guys.)

This happened the week I turned nine. I remember being very excited. I remember trembling in fear. 

I must have heard my dad pray in public hundreds of times by then ... using words like may and might and blessings and courage. 

Today, I would tweak the bit about standing up "for what they believe" and admonish us all to stand on truth. But otherwise, I notice it was a suitable prayer for me personally as I "involved" myself in government and asked the Lord for strength and wisdom to decide.

What a sweet little seed of calling, planted long ago (back when we covered boxes with shag carpet, feathered our middle-part, and popped one wrist to say "cheese").

Threshold Blessing

Father, thank you for today. Only you can see all the many choices that have brought us to this point, and only you can see the future blessings that will emerge because of your presence here with us today.

Through the indwelling presence of your holy spirit, you show your kindness by supernaturally infusing temporal things with meaning, purpose and memories. 

We thank you. 

We confess our dependence upon you. 

Jesus, be near. 

May every spoken word, every shared seat at the table; every gift of thanks (both hard and happy) that is offered in this place bring honor to your name.

Let us become more aware of your presence. Let us experience the glory of your goodness.

Giving Gifts

The note said, "It's your birthday! I thought you'd like to share with your friends!"

My sister-in-law sent a giant take-out bag containing an assortment of individually boxed desserts with eight pouches of plastic cutlery to my office which provided me with the most enjoyable afternoon.

"Hello? Hi! Can you stop by my office in a minute?"

"Hey! Come over here! I have something for you!"

"No, you choose what you like. I like them all so I'll be happy with the last one."

So much joy. Rising and rolling over. Becoming more.

I felt a strange confidence ...

I found myself in abundance and the only reasonable response was to sustain the rhythms of gratitude and generosity by sharing what I had been given. 

It was humbling too...

Since I hadn't baked or bought any of the sweets, there was no room for the credit to be mine. 

Here's the thing about gifts.

God in many ways has delivered a bounty of good into your life as though His personal message says, "This is the day that I have made! Find joy and share with the world!"

I'm not sure what's in your bag of treats - the assortment of ways in which He has gifted you. Maybe you help, or encourage or create. Perhaps you speak wisdom or teach truth or pray power. Is it making music, heavy lifting, taking a stand . . . dreaming, organizing, seeing things through? Whatever you've got, I know it came with extra forks! 

The gifts He has given are not just for you. He intends for you to confidently, humbly, offer them to others as an invitation to participate in the fullness.

The only reasonable response is to sustain the rhythms of gratitude and generosity by sharing what you have been given.  Since you aren't the one who creates or provides the gifts, all the credit and thanks belong to God.

And many more.

Path and Pathos

My student worker pulls a cart loaded with boxes of hand-me-down books, tea-stained cups and mismatched frames. 

I carry my plant. My beloved pathos is the only potted greenery to survive any of my nurturing efforts. I bought her at Brookshire's in 2016.

We gingerly walk the several hundred steps from last season to next.

Five years ago John Harris called from ETBU to say my name had been mentioned, and he wondered if I'd be interested in a secretarial position in the religion department.

He told me about my dad calling him in the 90's from ETBU to say that his name had been mentioned and he wondered if John would be interested in a faculty position in the religion department.

We talked about his cancer in that first call. Somehow I knew I would work for him for the rest of his life.

John had the highest standards: in work ethic, gift-giving, and Turabian formatting.

He had the most answers: always a position, rarely any sway; always a strategy, never a second guess.

He had a tremendous amount of patience with me and reciprocity reigned.

That pathos grew bright and tall as discussions of propriety, ministry, and Seinfeld episodes wafted around the office day in and day out.

Over time, snapped yellow leaves were tossed away while clipped sturdy stems rested and rooted in clean, clear cups of water.

Pruning and productive, five years full.

We slowly walk to the cadence of cart wheels clunking across brickish pavers, and I'm numb. So much change in these last several months. All the grieving and leaving and recalibration. Am I ready for more?

The elevator dings.

Onward and upward. We unload the photos and coffee and books. And we gently set the glazed dish of flourishing vines upon an unfamiliar ledge.

A fresh vista where light will shine through slivers of space, and words will stir purpose and seep satisfaction like water in the soil. The time-consuming, hard and happy work of thriving awaits.

Ready, set, grow.

When At First

You know that person you try to avoid? In the name of peace, of course, you steer clear. The one who makes you uneasy, who makes life not easy? Maybe they are careless or cruel, or just unbearable.

I wonder if you could close your eyes and thank God for them.

This is not easy. 

But can you breathe in and thank the Creator - who gives you both breath - for His image they bear just by being here?  

Can you thank Him for being available to them the way He is available to you? 

Can you exhale and linger in the whispered truth that God made both of you, and He has a plan for each of you, and He loves you both?

Are you able to see God's kindness in it all? 

Can you ask Him to give you gratitude for this person - a real supernatural thankfulness, the likes of which you cannot acquire on your own?

We can believe God and watch while gratitude affects our attitude and His love has room to work ... putting away fear and miraculously making up for a mess of sin.

Thank You, God, for ________________.

All in a Day's Work

I stare at this photo from 2016 like it's a masterpiece hanging in the Louvre.

Sure, I recognize Asa and Phil, and I think they could not be more precious.

But, man, this imagery! Take it in for three seconds or more.

THIS is how my soul sees me and God . . . "making a difference, working hard, fixing things, and making life good."

With one strong and outstretched arm He patiently takes what's wrong and is making it right. 

And with His other strong and outstretched arm He provides a safe spot for me to rest and learn while I wait quietly and watch Him work. 

I ask questions and His responses can range from undistracted silence, to inarticulate grunts, to meaningful demonstrations. 

I feel important and powerless all in the same time. And we are together. 

It seems like I'd have to be the one to move - no longer leaning on everlasting arms - to give Him room to stop working and leave. But even then, I don't believe He would. 

He beckons me back again and again until the work He has begun in me is good and complete.

O sing unto the LORD a new song; for he has done marvelous things: his right hand, and his holy arm, has gotten him the victory. Psalm 98:1

Dove Hunt

**Sarcastic posts exposing the inherent inequalities of hunting season(s) will come another day. Today I'm completely overwhelmed by the good stuff.💛

The pursuit. The preparation and thought that goes before, the determination and patience required to be successful ... the strengthening of these qualities is beneficial in our marriage.💛

The pastime. The hunger for purposeful pause and a change of pace, the pleasing balance of solitude and teamwork ... these disciplines of stillness and fellowship are beneficial in our home.💛

This picture. As domestication and duty blend into untamed beauty for a time, he enjoys recreation. He walks and watches attentively as his soul finds rest and the re-creation of peace. The harvested happiness is beneficial to us all.💛

Photo Credit | Luke Johnson📷

Fellowship Hall

Winter 2018

The rented church space is abuzz with friends and family and LOADS of good food. The celebration seems to be a success as she stands and watches, wiping the same stretch of counter in circular rhythms. A brother walks up from behind, squeezes her shoulders into his side and says, "This is your happy place, Sis. We just need to get you a fellowship hall, and you'll be good forevermore."

Spring 2019

A vacant church house stands empty and still. Sold to a mining company but spared before demolition, the big white boxy building sits quietly among the overgrown shrubs. She calls her husband, "Please get me that church house!  You can convert half the sanctuary into a shop. The kids can each have a Sunday school space for a bedroom. And I want that fellowship hall!"

He takes her seriously and calls around. He trespasses, inspects, and returns with terrible news. "It has been vandalized and ripped to shreds. It's going to take a lot of work. Also, I have no idea how we could even figure out who to buy it from. It seems pretty impossible."

She prays. She feels a seed of faith sprouting with hope up from her deepest longings. She musters courage to just ask God for what she wants. "Dear God, if it would please you, could I have a fellowship hall?" God knows her heart for feeding and tending her growing flock and all their friend-group gatherings. He has shaped the desire and delight within her.

Summer 2019

She keeps asking and seeking and knocking. She cries every time she lets herself believe it could come true. She starts a pinterest board for old church renos as an act of faith.

With little warning, the tables turn and one thing leads to another. Before she knows it she and her husband and her mother have signed a contract on a house that needs zero work. A house where people share bedrooms, where there is a shop, and a sense of sanctuary all around. A house with the most spacious kitchen and dining area she's ever known. Her very own fellowship hall.

The week they close on the house, she stands in a worship service weeping at how rich and kind God is. Her hands reach high to grasp the glory. She is fearfully undone. Just then, a tender-hearted daughter squeezes her momma's hips into her side and whispers, "You've been begging God for a quarter, but He wants to give you a twenty dollar bill."

Summer 2021

She settles in to begin a new decade of living. But what a brutal, challenging patch the last two years have proven to be. She feels weathered and worn, battle-weary and bruised. But also brave. And wiser and stronger and blessed. If God had given her a glimpse of 2020, she would have never agreed to the "twenty-dollar bill". But He is too kind to have done that.  He knows blind faith is a mystery of mercy, so that's what He often requires.

The halls are filled with fellowship as little ones holler for Granna and adult children bless their Momma on her birthday. She sits in the abundance and weeps at the wonder of it all . . . and her husband hangs the hand-crafted sign. 

The best gift: Sala de la compagnia.

She'll be good forevermore.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen Ephesians 3:20-21

Confessional

God, you are good. Your love cannot fail and your compassion never runs out.

You are holy and righteous and perfect.

Because You are so good, it feels like I shouldn’t be able to talk to You so freely. But because You are so good, I also feel that I can, and I must.

O God, have mercy on me.

It is against You and You alone that I’ve sinned. I’ve been sinful my whole life, and I can’t seem to make much progress without falling short again.

For all the wrong things I’ve done, and all the right things I’ve left undone. Forgive me. The ways I’ve wandered from your way, the times I’ve tested my own version of truth, and the life I’ve spent worshipping what I loathe.

You know every heart-breaking detail.

This is why we come to You. Because without you there is no hope.

Our hearts are so messy – cluttered with fear-based restraints, filled with a fog of selfish desires, and oh, Dear Lord, the noise: all that sinful chatter that stirs up strife and puffs up pride. This internal chaos leads nowhere but to more sin and death.

We acknowledge our sin, God.

We ask you to forgive us.

Please clean our hearts up, straighten things out, and refresh us for good. Renew Your spirit in each of us right here in this moment. Restore the joy of our salvation.

Give us courage to repeat these rhythms of repentance so that You might teach us wisdom in the secret spaces of our souls. May the joy of knowing You and the peace of being known by You permeate our thoughts and words and actions.

You are so good. We don’t deserve Your mercy; we could never earn it; and yet, You are good to all of us.

Hear our confession, Lord.

May You be glorified.

*Inspired by Psalm 51*

Well Then

For days and days,

through conflict and crisis,

sermons and sisters,

guilt and grace,

scrolling ads and Bible study,

God has been speaking.

I love you. Love Me. Love Others.

Not a new message, right?

But, man, what a fresh word to renew my mind, refine my motivations and heal this deceptive heart of mine.

I love you.

He really loves me. Not the "best-foot-forward" me ... the "just-as-I-am" me.

I have nothing to offer Him in return, and basically, my selfishness is a daily slap in the face to His provision. My impatience is a hindrance to His perfect will. My chronic unkindness towards Him and willful resistance toward His priorities prove my unworthiness.

But (in phrases of praise) His kindness leads me to repentance. His grace is sufficient. He loves me with a love that never ends. He never gives up.

Love me. Love others.

All that He asks of me is that I love Him back and love other people in the same sacrificial way that He already loves us.

It will obviously take me the rest of my life to fully know and understand and live out the wisdom in this divine relationship.

Right now, there is someone in my life who doesn't seem to love me. (It's not you and no, it's not her either, so we're good.) I have spent too much time dissatisfied in this relationship ... wondering what I could do differently to earn or deserve their love. I'd even settle for kindness or just baseline human respect.

I've been praying for them.

And it's not working.

Guess what? I don't love them.

I say I do. I've always said I do.

But I still want something in return. I have expectations. I am hurt. I feel unloved. I want to be validated and appreciated.

To live well, I must LOVE this person. 

I must love them WELL.

Not waiting for them to deserve my kind attention.

Not waiting for them to reciprocate or return the affection.

This is not something that can be fabricated or faked.

God is going to have to do a miracle deep in my soul. He will have to change the way I see this person, the way I hear this person, the way I speak to this person. He'll have to give me a genuine desire to be around this person ... to want them to be near and dear to me ... like they are to God.

I believe God can and will do this because it aligns perfectly with His greatest desire.

He sets the example and supplies the strength; we simply submit and humbly and joyfully serve. All is well then.

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." -John 13:34-35

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;  it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8