Follow Through

Love is here! God is absolutely GOOD. (But you knew that.)

I share this with gratitude for days turning to years, the gift of patience, and the opportunity to glance back and see how far He has brought us. 

He has actually transformed my heart (in this tiny little area - please hold while we reach the fullness you are looking for) and healed this relationship. Yay for grace!! 

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March, 2013: Welcome to my breakthrough!

Lately, God has been rephrasing the same question, and repeating His desires over and over ... as if something important is happening and He wants to make sure I don't miss it.

For days and days,

through conflict and crisis,

sermons and sisters,

guilt and grace,

scrolling ads and Bible study,

He has been speaking.

I love you. Love Me. Love Others.

Not a new message, right?

But a fresh word to renew my mind, refine my motivations and heal this deceptive heart of mine.

I love you.

He really loves me - not the "best-foot-forward" me ... the "just-as-I-am" me.

I have nothing to offer Him in return, and basically, my selfishness is a daily slap in the face to His provision. My impatience is a hindrance to His perfect will. My chronic unkindness towards Him and willful resistance toward His priorities prove my unworthiness.

But His kindness leads me to repentance. His grace is sufficient. 

He loves me with a love that never ends. He never gives up.

Love me. Love others.

All that He asks of me is that I love Him back and love other people in the same sacrificial way that He already loves us.

It will obviously take me the rest of my life to fully know and understand and live out the wisdom in this divine relationship.

Right now, there is someone in my life who doesn't seem to love me. (It's not you and it's not her either, so we're good.) I have spent too much time dissatisfied in this relationship ... wondering what I could do differently to earn or deserve their love. I'd even settle for kindness or just baseline human respect.

I've been praying for them.

And it's not working.

But today's breakthrough is this: Guess what? I don't love them.

I say I do. I've always said I do.

But I still want something in return. I have expectations. I am hurt. I feel unloved. I want to be validated and appreciated.

I. I. I.

Me.Me.Me.Me.Me.Me.ME!

(which is barely appropriate for opera singers with lemon wedges before a show)

I must LOVE this person. I must love them WELL.

Not waiting for them to deserve my efforts and concern.

Not waiting for them to reciprocate or return the affection.

This is not something that can be fabricated or faked.

God is going to have to do a miracle deep in my soul. He will have to change the way I see this person, the way I hear this person, the way I speak to this person. He'll have to give me a genuine desire to be around this person ... to want them to be near and dear to me ... like they are to God.

I believe God can and will do this because it aligns perfectly with His greatest desire.

I'll find my satisfaction and joy in Him.

He'll fill me up and I'll offer myself to be poured out.

He sets the example, supplies the strength; we humbly submit and joyfully serve.

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." -John 13:34-35

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;  it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

What's a Girl to Do?

Elizabeth Anne is five years old now. She knows her letters and writes her numbers. She can fold towels and help make supper. But she has a secret.

If you know her well, or if you've seen her when she lets her hair down - literally - then you already know.

She's done it her whole life. What started out as cute, has lingered into a challenging cause for concern.

Every day, throughout the day, she sucks two fingers of her right hand while she uses her left hand to twist her hair.

The finger-sucking provides satisfaction.

The hair-twisting is comfortable when she feels anxious or bored.

She sucks until her teeth are protruding and her fingers are wrinkled; she twists until her hair knots up and is pulled out. 

So with gapped teeth, she sports moist, calloused fingers on her right hand, and short, frizzy, frayed hair on her left side. And I love her to pieces!!

Every morning when I brush her hair, we discuss her dilemma.

Thou Shalt Have ...

Two stories.

Once upon a time, I was the mother to two preschool boys. One day I was helping them pick up their room and I quite literally stumbled upon a broken clothes pin - one wooden side with the now-meaningless spring still attached. Just as I was about to toss it in the trash, my son screamed, "Mom! Don't! That's my thingie!!"

Duly noted. Keep calm and tidy on.

Later at the lunch table, I noticed he was having trouble holding his cup. As I tried to help him, I realized he had that silly clothes pin lodged into the palm of his clinched fist. I pried it from his milky grip and assured him that his treasured thingie would be safe on the counter until lunch was over.

Fifteen years later - so like, last week - is the setting for our second story.

Several of us were relaxing in the living room when I began to smell something awful. (This in itself is not at all remarkable.) But, it was a suffocating stench ... thick and nauseating. Others began to gasp and react with eye-squinting puzzlement.