My brother, Josh, emailed an article this morning. Great read! It included this quote that is too good to keep to myself....
Author Walter Wangerin Jr. once wrote, "The difference between shallow happiness and a deep, sustaining joy is sorrow. Happiness lives where sorrow is not. When sorrow arrives, happiness dies. It can't stand pain. Joy, on the other hand, rises from sorrow and therefore can withstand all grief. Joy, by the grace of God, is the transfiguration of suffering into endurance, and of endurance into character, and of character into hope--and the hope that has become our joy does not (as happiness must for those who depend upon it) disappoint us."
May we certainly discover joy.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Reunited
All the Johnsons are back under the same roof tonight. The fellas returned from the "Big Campout" this evening a few minutes after the gals came home from church. We all greeted and hugged in the kitchen for EVER. I felt like I was living one of those logic problems from 5th grade: "If there are 7 Johnsons, and 3 of them haven't seen the other 4 for 5 days, how many possible combinations of reunion hugs would there be?" I was cracking up at how much my kids missed each other. Philip and I grinned at each other as the boys passed Mari back and forth, calling her "Baby Girl" and "Sweetie Pie". They hugged the older girls, and told them how much they had missed them. To which, Ardyn exclaimed: "I don't think we should ever be separated again!" We authorized an impromptu movie night, and put Mari Alice in bed. The others quickly agreed on a movie, and ran off to the boys' room to get started. Collectively, they are the perfect size to fill up one standard loveseat....shoulder to shoulder. Philip and I enjoyed the empty kitchen as we chatted and shared highlights of our time away.
Thank You, God, for family. Thank You for bringing us back to each other happily and safely. May this phase of sibling bliss endure beyond the morning light.
Thank You, God, for family. Thank You for bringing us back to each other happily and safely. May this phase of sibling bliss endure beyond the morning light.
Cucumbers? They're Bad For You, Aren't They?
I don't have a post to match this title, but when James offered such an astute, enlightened inquiry, I threatened to blog it. So here we are.
Have a nice day.
Have a nice day.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
22 Days of "Why You Haven't Heard From Me"
Sat 3/24: Choir Rehearsal, Birthday party, "stomach virus"
Sun 3/25: Ok, maybe not just your average stomach virus...
Mon 3/26: Seriously, I'm in pain....I'm calling the doctor. She can see me at 11. I drive. She observes. She calls a surgeon and sends me to the hospital. By 3pm I'm on a morphine drip and no longer have possession of my ruptured appendix, or my gall bladder. Nifty.
Tue 3/27: Ice chips, IV antibiotics, and morphine does the body good. (The morphine was also helpful in the unanticipated weening process) Philip brought the kids by to see me after "Sacrifice" Rehearsal. They were all so sweet. As soon as Mari saw me, she dove out of Philip's arms toward my bed. She buried her face in the crook of my neck and grabbed a handful of my hair in each of her fists and then just nuzzled. It was so sad for me to think that I nursed her Monday morning and never came back. No memo. No nothing. She was fine.
Wed 3/28: Day 5 of no food. A little mix up with the nursing staff was finally resolved around 6pm, and I got a bowl of broth. Nifty-Neat!
Thur 3/29: Broth and jello offered for breakfast...."No Deal". James sneaks up to the hospital with instant oatmeal and I have never been more thankful for a meal....ever. (La Famile has dress rehearsal for the "Sacrifice")
Fri 3/29: Finish up last IV. Home sweet home after noon. Doctor's orders: "Take it easy and don't lift anything heavier than 10 pounds for another 10 days."
Sat 3/30: In-laws come to see "Sacrifice". Pain pills prevent me from remembering anything else.
Sun 4/1: Mom, Grandma, Papa, and Josh come to town and attend the "Sacrifice". I go with them. Not a great idea, but we'll cover that on Tuesday.
Mon 4/2: Everyone attends the "Ward Walker Lecture" during chapel at ETBU. Philip works since he took the previous week off. (No Disney World this year, rats!) No pain pills because I'm driving. My children behave magnificently! As people were discussing the achievements and accomplishments of the Walker brethren, I thought to myself, "I may not have a terminal degree, but my 5 children just sat through 50 minutes of Chapel, and a formal luncheon with no incidents....and they look cute too!" Home to take a pain pill and visit with the "folks".
Tues 4/3: Oh, my.......I can't walk. Perhaps being "up and about" Sunday and Monday was a bit premature for my overall healing process. TV for the kids, pain pills for me.
Wed 4/4: Feeling MUCH better. No meds today. Do some light household stuff to make up for Mon/Tues.
Thur 4/5: Post-op doctor's visit. Lookin' good. Oldest three children complete day #170 of school and We're done!
Fri 4/6: MOPS playdate plus friends with children come for lunch and the afternoon. Big Fun.
Sat 4/7: Garage Sales with Ardyn. I FINALLY paint the girls' room pink. Beauty!
Sun 4/8: Happy Easter, everybody! I keep my commitment that I made months ago to teach the 2-year-old nursery. The boys treat us to Gucci's with their "pine cone" earnings. Good, easy, family time the rest of the day.
Mon 4/9: I can officially lift 10 lb again. (Does he honestly think I have not been carrying Mari around for days? sh-sh-sh!) Get tire fixed, work out, dentist appt, library, bank and dry cleaners....spaghetti, and bedtime.
Tue 4/10: MOPS, laundry.
Wed 4/11: Load up 3 girls and their belongings and head for Weatherford.....arrive just before rush hour. (Johnson men head for Tyler to camp and fish and just be manly-men) James holds down the Southfield fort in order to stay current with all his educational and occupational commitments.
Thurs 4/12: While in the metroplex, some visit the zoo and park and science museum and merri-go-round and sonic. Others stay home and chill.
Fri 4/13: Shop at Kohl's for the first time ever. I'd be broke if I lived in a city. Tornado warnings to jazz up movie-night.
Sat 4/14: Pack up same three girls with same belongings, and head back home. Unload, unpack, get the mail ('cause that was not on James' to-do list), and chop veggies for a bridal shower. James watched the girls for "not-really-datenite" so I could go to the shower. Philip and the boys should return tomorrow....with some incredible laundry requirements.
Now we're up to date (if you made it this far). I intend to make my posts more often and less lengthy. We'll see.
Sun 3/25: Ok, maybe not just your average stomach virus...
Mon 3/26: Seriously, I'm in pain....I'm calling the doctor. She can see me at 11. I drive. She observes. She calls a surgeon and sends me to the hospital. By 3pm I'm on a morphine drip and no longer have possession of my ruptured appendix, or my gall bladder. Nifty.
Tue 3/27: Ice chips, IV antibiotics, and morphine does the body good. (The morphine was also helpful in the unanticipated weening process) Philip brought the kids by to see me after "Sacrifice" Rehearsal. They were all so sweet. As soon as Mari saw me, she dove out of Philip's arms toward my bed. She buried her face in the crook of my neck and grabbed a handful of my hair in each of her fists and then just nuzzled. It was so sad for me to think that I nursed her Monday morning and never came back. No memo. No nothing. She was fine.
Wed 3/28: Day 5 of no food. A little mix up with the nursing staff was finally resolved around 6pm, and I got a bowl of broth. Nifty-Neat!
Thur 3/29: Broth and jello offered for breakfast...."No Deal". James sneaks up to the hospital with instant oatmeal and I have never been more thankful for a meal....ever. (La Famile has dress rehearsal for the "Sacrifice")
Fri 3/29: Finish up last IV. Home sweet home after noon. Doctor's orders: "Take it easy and don't lift anything heavier than 10 pounds for another 10 days."
Sat 3/30: In-laws come to see "Sacrifice". Pain pills prevent me from remembering anything else.
Sun 4/1: Mom, Grandma, Papa, and Josh come to town and attend the "Sacrifice". I go with them. Not a great idea, but we'll cover that on Tuesday.
Mon 4/2: Everyone attends the "Ward Walker Lecture" during chapel at ETBU. Philip works since he took the previous week off. (No Disney World this year, rats!) No pain pills because I'm driving. My children behave magnificently! As people were discussing the achievements and accomplishments of the Walker brethren, I thought to myself, "I may not have a terminal degree, but my 5 children just sat through 50 minutes of Chapel, and a formal luncheon with no incidents....and they look cute too!" Home to take a pain pill and visit with the "folks".
Tues 4/3: Oh, my.......I can't walk. Perhaps being "up and about" Sunday and Monday was a bit premature for my overall healing process. TV for the kids, pain pills for me.
Wed 4/4: Feeling MUCH better. No meds today. Do some light household stuff to make up for Mon/Tues.
Thur 4/5: Post-op doctor's visit. Lookin' good. Oldest three children complete day #170 of school and We're done!
Fri 4/6: MOPS playdate plus friends with children come for lunch and the afternoon. Big Fun.
Sat 4/7: Garage Sales with Ardyn. I FINALLY paint the girls' room pink. Beauty!
Sun 4/8: Happy Easter, everybody! I keep my commitment that I made months ago to teach the 2-year-old nursery. The boys treat us to Gucci's with their "pine cone" earnings. Good, easy, family time the rest of the day.
Mon 4/9: I can officially lift 10 lb again. (Does he honestly think I have not been carrying Mari around for days? sh-sh-sh!) Get tire fixed, work out, dentist appt, library, bank and dry cleaners....spaghetti, and bedtime.
Tue 4/10: MOPS, laundry.
Wed 4/11: Load up 3 girls and their belongings and head for Weatherford.....arrive just before rush hour. (Johnson men head for Tyler to camp and fish and just be manly-men) James holds down the Southfield fort in order to stay current with all his educational and occupational commitments.
Thurs 4/12: While in the metroplex, some visit the zoo and park and science museum and merri-go-round and sonic. Others stay home and chill.
Fri 4/13: Shop at Kohl's for the first time ever. I'd be broke if I lived in a city. Tornado warnings to jazz up movie-night.
Sat 4/14: Pack up same three girls with same belongings, and head back home. Unload, unpack, get the mail ('cause that was not on James' to-do list), and chop veggies for a bridal shower. James watched the girls for "not-really-datenite" so I could go to the shower. Philip and the boys should return tomorrow....with some incredible laundry requirements.
Now we're up to date (if you made it this far). I intend to make my posts more often and less lengthy. We'll see.
Friday, March 23, 2007
Wake Up Calls
Wednesday night I commented to a friend that she must not have been praying for me, because there had been NEITHER love NOR logic in our home that day. We all giggled, but I was kinda more serious than joking. Yesterday morning she called while I was still in bed...."Hello?" My voice scratched. Her sunshiny words announced, "You're prayed up!" She said her scripture reading for Thursday started out with "So be in prayer for everyone...." I'm glad I made her "everyone" list! After her call, I felt encouraged and ready to face my day.
We had a great day....I even did it without caffeine. Who needs strong coffee or Diet Dr. Pepper, when you have good friends and the Holy Spirit?
Bedroom update: Ardyn has noticed the duration of disorder associated with getting the boys' room finished. She has decided that her furniture is lovely just the way it is. Ultimately, I don't think she trusts me to yank everything out of her room and be able to return it repainted in a timely fashion. Her words were, "Can I just have pink walls, please? And everything else is J-u-u-st fine, Mom. I promise." I suppose the things I've been referring to as "mismatched furniture" will now be embraced as "the eclectic look". She's right: I may have opened one too many cans of worms. One more gallon of pale pink paint, and we're done!
We had a great day....I even did it without caffeine. Who needs strong coffee or Diet Dr. Pepper, when you have good friends and the Holy Spirit?
Bedroom update: Ardyn has noticed the duration of disorder associated with getting the boys' room finished. She has decided that her furniture is lovely just the way it is. Ultimately, I don't think she trusts me to yank everything out of her room and be able to return it repainted in a timely fashion. Her words were, "Can I just have pink walls, please? And everything else is J-u-u-st fine, Mom. I promise." I suppose the things I've been referring to as "mismatched furniture" will now be embraced as "the eclectic look". She's right: I may have opened one too many cans of worms. One more gallon of pale pink paint, and we're done!
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Locks of Love
Ms. Kathy, Ardyn and Ashlin have each been growing their hair out for months --lifetimes, it would seem. One day last month, they each had an 11 inch ponytail removed from their beautiful heads. The hair was mailed off to "Locks of Love" where it will be fashioned into wigs for chemotherapy patients. Ardyn has been waiting for almost 2 years to do this...Ashli's hair was long enough too, so she literally made the cut (especially when her favorite grown-up offered to make it a group activity). Here is the "After" photo. I hope to include "before" shots of the girls....be back in a few hours. I'm grateful for my dial-up. I'm grateful for my my dial-up. Say it with me...
Monday, March 19, 2007
What's Up
Today:
Landen offered an oral book report on a Hardy Boys mystery. It was good. He came in today, so excited to share something from math. He said with amazement, "Look what my teacher told me I could do, and it's not even counted as cheating!" My interest was piqued...turns out, after a long division problem, when there's gonna be a remainder, you can psyche everybody out and put a decimal point with a zero and keep on going....Ahhh, the wonders of 5th grade.
Luke has discovered mechanical pencils ...and darn near perfect handwriting. We've come so far from the days of preschool: "Luke, I know you can multiply those numbers, but can you draw a straight line?"
Today, Ardyn was terribly confused by her friend's December birthday somehow coming BEFORE her own in February. (That month song can really mess with your mind) She finally looked up, and said, "OOOHHHHH, even though they SOUND really far away, if you start over really quickly, mine comes really soon, close after!!!" I smiled. Moving right along.
Ashli helped me plant some flowers this morning. She fed Mari Alice some Cheerios, helped Luke clean out under his bed, and read books with Landen. She made a sign for the clubhouse she and Ardyn built in the corner of their room. Busy, busy!
James completed a paper 5 days early...and that's where we have to stop. You just can't have any more excitement when you're THAT prepared.
I am 3/4 through the big bedroom change-over. I'm tolerating the tension of untidiness, and doing a little each day. Hopefully we'll all be moved in to our newly organized, freshly painted digs before Easter.
Philip is officially addicted to "24". I hear "bing-bong-bing-bong" and "Jack!" in my sleep.
oh--Mari Alice, I didn't say anything about her spoiled rotten little highness.....there, you have it.
Lord, please bless all the little children... Thank you for a new day with new mercies. We put our trust in You alone.
Landen offered an oral book report on a Hardy Boys mystery. It was good. He came in today, so excited to share something from math. He said with amazement, "Look what my teacher told me I could do, and it's not even counted as cheating!" My interest was piqued...turns out, after a long division problem, when there's gonna be a remainder, you can psyche everybody out and put a decimal point with a zero and keep on going....Ahhh, the wonders of 5th grade.
Luke has discovered mechanical pencils ...and darn near perfect handwriting. We've come so far from the days of preschool: "Luke, I know you can multiply those numbers, but can you draw a straight line?"
Today, Ardyn was terribly confused by her friend's December birthday somehow coming BEFORE her own in February. (That month song can really mess with your mind) She finally looked up, and said, "OOOHHHHH, even though they SOUND really far away, if you start over really quickly, mine comes really soon, close after!!!" I smiled. Moving right along.
Ashli helped me plant some flowers this morning. She fed Mari Alice some Cheerios, helped Luke clean out under his bed, and read books with Landen. She made a sign for the clubhouse she and Ardyn built in the corner of their room. Busy, busy!
James completed a paper 5 days early...and that's where we have to stop. You just can't have any more excitement when you're THAT prepared.
I am 3/4 through the big bedroom change-over. I'm tolerating the tension of untidiness, and doing a little each day. Hopefully we'll all be moved in to our newly organized, freshly painted digs before Easter.
Philip is officially addicted to "24". I hear "bing-bong-bing-bong" and "Jack!" in my sleep.
oh--Mari Alice, I didn't say anything about her spoiled rotten little highness.....there, you have it.
Lord, please bless all the little children... Thank you for a new day with new mercies. We put our trust in You alone.
Friday, March 16, 2007
Fulfillment, Love,& Logic
So if you were to check my blog...let's say...once a week for three weeks...and never see any new posts, you'd know life is filling and full. (And that intercessory prayer may be a great idea!)
As of this evening, all Johnson offspring thrive in health and happiness. Can you even imagine? In our home there's about 2 inches left in the Lysol bottle, 1 inch of NyQuil, one page of Imodium pills, no Gatorade, new toothbrushes, new boxes of Kleenex, and lots of crisp, fresh air. Thank you, God, for 59 degree breezes that scurry through the warm sunshine of Spring.
Ok, now for the good stuff. Because of sick kids, I stayed home AGAIN last Sunday from church. But "two or three were gathered" here and boy, did God show up! Right on the screen broadcasting Public Television. I watched the last several minutes of a program called "Disciplining Your Kids Without Losing Their Love and Respect". The presenter was Jim Fay. I've read his book entitled "Parenting with Love and Logic." I turned the volume up so I could hear it while cooking lunch for the corporate worshippers. What a perfectly timed blessing!
The gist is to maintain authority and power by relinquishing some of the power to the child. Long term goals include training children to make good decisions, be responsible, and learn from natural and implemented consequences. I listened. I prayed. I was changed.
Sunday evening I asked the boys to do one quick chore before they left with Philip. Landen was to unload the dishwasher. Luke was to fold/deliver the load of laundry in the dryer. Landen did the dishes. Luke went to the laundry room, rustled around a bit, and then "helped" his brother finish up the dishes. As they were leaving, I asked Luke: "Did you take care of your responsibility?" Then he charmed: "Well, I took the clothes OUT of the dryer, put the wet ones IN the dryer and then wanted to help Landen." I replied with a smile: "That is so great that you would want to be helpful, but you did it at the expense of not getting your own stuff done. That's too bad." He stared. He was obviously poised, awaiting my emotional plea for "just a little help" followed by a couple huffs, and then even perhaps some stomps into the laundry room to begin folding the clothes myself. It never happened. I calmly explained: "I'm not sure what to do about this, Luke. But I'll think it over while you're gone. I'm sure I can think of something. Go with your dad, and we'll talk when you get home. And try not to worry about it." I wish you could have seen his face! He was all flushed. He admitted: "I AM worried. Let's just decide something now, can we?" I smiled, told him I loved him and patted his back as he hesitantly went to the car. Most of his worry stemmed from my shockingly calm demeanor. He had seen NOTHING yet.
Cut to Monday morning. I went in the boys' room and announced that breakfast was being served for the next 20 minutes. They were free to sleep in or come eat. Luke chose to eat. Landen chose to snooze. No problem. We cleaned up breakfast. I went back in the boys room. I announced that it was time to begin school. I asked Landen if he would prefer to start before or after he used the restroom. He thought for a minute then jumped down and started his day. As he went to start his DVD's, I told him I wanted to be perfectly clear. I said, "Lunch will be served from 12 to 12:30. You are free to eat lunch when 3 subjects are completed. Are we clear?" He repeated what I said, and we had a plan. I never reminded, scolded, warned, threatened, gave forecasts, or time frames. At 12 I had lunch ready. (Having overheard the agreement with Landen and still not over my behavior the night before, Luke was done with three subjects and eating dutifully at the table) As expected, Landen sauntered into the kitchen with the sweetest grin. He asked if it was alright if he ate and then finished his third subject. I replied with a smile: "You are free to eat lunch when your first three subjects are completed." He said, "But I didn't eat breakfast!". I tilted my sweet, sweet head and said, "I know." "But can't I just....?" "You are free to eat lunch when your 3 subjects are done." "I'm starving!" "I know."
The choice to miss breakfast and missing lunch due to lack of focus was causing Landen deep anguish by 2pm. He was bawling. I heard him utter things like, "I shoulda got up.....I hate it when I sleep in.....Now I'm so hungry I can't think.....I gotta think, or I'll miss dinner to....ohhhhhh" He apparently found just enough inner strength to finish his day's work. When he turned in his papers, I offered him an early dinner. He smiled and said thank you. I told him I was proud of his hard work, and that I was glad he had gotten some good rest. No sermons, no nagging, no frustration....just calm determination and empathetic compassion.
Tuesday Landen was up at the first light, eating 3 preventative bowls of cereal....cause you never know when a morning might get away from ya. He finished his 3 subjects by noon, and the rest of the week followed suit. My efforts shifted toward our very own attorney general. aka: Lukie. He wanted to have a friend over. More importantly he wanted to discuss every detail of the possibility of having a friend over. I set the parameters: "I will be glad to discuss your having a friend over when you've turned in your school for today." He began phase one of "operation: wear her down".
"I only have two more things."
"I'll be happy to discuss it when your school is finished."
"Can you just call now, and then we'll know for sure."
"I'll be happy to discuss your having a friend over when your school is finished."
"But I won't be able to call until later, and he might be gone."
(sweetly)"I know"
"It makes more sense to call now"
(still sweet)"I know"
(with increasing frustration)"Why do you keep saying the same things?"
"I'll be happy to talk about having a friend over when...."
"I know! When my school is done, but it's not fair!"
(REALLY sweetly, cause that PBS junk is working) "I know"
"AUGH! MOM! I kinda like that you're so calm, but you're making my brain pop! I want to say what's on my mind to say next, but I know what you're gonna say!"
(smiling so sweetly, I can't stand it) "I know"
Luke exits the kitchen and returns an hour later with his school done.
I tore his rig down!
I can hear that high pitched song: "I Got the Pow-wuh!!"
A couple more days of placid discourse, and enduring Luke's obvious withdraw symptoms to our previous, argumentative communication style, then his week smoothed right on out as well!
ok, last example. I gave each of the kids a pack of gum Sunday night. I told them they could have one piece a day and that would last them all week. They seemed excited....until Monday morning around 10am when Ashli had already chewed a piece then spit it out to have a drink of water. She asked for another. I said with great excitement: "You may have another piece tomorrow". She asked again, "I just want one more." Do you know what I said?
Yep! (with softness) "I know".
"But I had to spit mine out"
"I know"
"Why can't I just have one piece?"
(Again, with much excitement) "You can! Tomorrow"
"So I can't have another piece?"
"You sure can....tomorrow"
"Why?"
"You are welcome to have one piece of gum each day"
"I really want one"
"Did you chew a piece this morning?"
"Yes ma'am"
"Good, then you may have another tomorrow!"
(tuckered smooth out) "Yesssssss....ma'aaaaam" and she slithered off to play in her room.
Feel free to review the transcript above. I never even had to say the word "no". I'm not against using it, but it will mean SO much more when I choose to bust it out, don't you think?
God Bless America! Land that I love!
I can confess before God and man that I have just journeyed through 5 days at home with 5 kids...NEVER having raised my voice or resorted to sarcasm. That's a new record, people.
I'm reading Love and Logic each night and praying each morning. I'm gonna git this motherhood thing if it's the last thing I do.
Now I'm battling carpal tunnel syndrome after that VERY long vent. Visine, anyone?
More parenting challenges and championships later.
As of this evening, all Johnson offspring thrive in health and happiness. Can you even imagine? In our home there's about 2 inches left in the Lysol bottle, 1 inch of NyQuil, one page of Imodium pills, no Gatorade, new toothbrushes, new boxes of Kleenex, and lots of crisp, fresh air. Thank you, God, for 59 degree breezes that scurry through the warm sunshine of Spring.
Ok, now for the good stuff. Because of sick kids, I stayed home AGAIN last Sunday from church. But "two or three were gathered" here and boy, did God show up! Right on the screen broadcasting Public Television. I watched the last several minutes of a program called "Disciplining Your Kids Without Losing Their Love and Respect". The presenter was Jim Fay. I've read his book entitled "Parenting with Love and Logic." I turned the volume up so I could hear it while cooking lunch for the corporate worshippers. What a perfectly timed blessing!
The gist is to maintain authority and power by relinquishing some of the power to the child. Long term goals include training children to make good decisions, be responsible, and learn from natural and implemented consequences. I listened. I prayed. I was changed.
Sunday evening I asked the boys to do one quick chore before they left with Philip. Landen was to unload the dishwasher. Luke was to fold/deliver the load of laundry in the dryer. Landen did the dishes. Luke went to the laundry room, rustled around a bit, and then "helped" his brother finish up the dishes. As they were leaving, I asked Luke: "Did you take care of your responsibility?" Then he charmed: "Well, I took the clothes OUT of the dryer, put the wet ones IN the dryer and then wanted to help Landen." I replied with a smile: "That is so great that you would want to be helpful, but you did it at the expense of not getting your own stuff done. That's too bad." He stared. He was obviously poised, awaiting my emotional plea for "just a little help" followed by a couple huffs, and then even perhaps some stomps into the laundry room to begin folding the clothes myself. It never happened. I calmly explained: "I'm not sure what to do about this, Luke. But I'll think it over while you're gone. I'm sure I can think of something. Go with your dad, and we'll talk when you get home. And try not to worry about it." I wish you could have seen his face! He was all flushed. He admitted: "I AM worried. Let's just decide something now, can we?" I smiled, told him I loved him and patted his back as he hesitantly went to the car. Most of his worry stemmed from my shockingly calm demeanor. He had seen NOTHING yet.
Cut to Monday morning. I went in the boys' room and announced that breakfast was being served for the next 20 minutes. They were free to sleep in or come eat. Luke chose to eat. Landen chose to snooze. No problem. We cleaned up breakfast. I went back in the boys room. I announced that it was time to begin school. I asked Landen if he would prefer to start before or after he used the restroom. He thought for a minute then jumped down and started his day. As he went to start his DVD's, I told him I wanted to be perfectly clear. I said, "Lunch will be served from 12 to 12:30. You are free to eat lunch when 3 subjects are completed. Are we clear?" He repeated what I said, and we had a plan. I never reminded, scolded, warned, threatened, gave forecasts, or time frames. At 12 I had lunch ready. (Having overheard the agreement with Landen and still not over my behavior the night before, Luke was done with three subjects and eating dutifully at the table) As expected, Landen sauntered into the kitchen with the sweetest grin. He asked if it was alright if he ate and then finished his third subject. I replied with a smile: "You are free to eat lunch when your first three subjects are completed." He said, "But I didn't eat breakfast!". I tilted my sweet, sweet head and said, "I know." "But can't I just....?" "You are free to eat lunch when your 3 subjects are done." "I'm starving!" "I know."
The choice to miss breakfast and missing lunch due to lack of focus was causing Landen deep anguish by 2pm. He was bawling. I heard him utter things like, "I shoulda got up.....I hate it when I sleep in.....Now I'm so hungry I can't think.....I gotta think, or I'll miss dinner to....ohhhhhh" He apparently found just enough inner strength to finish his day's work. When he turned in his papers, I offered him an early dinner. He smiled and said thank you. I told him I was proud of his hard work, and that I was glad he had gotten some good rest. No sermons, no nagging, no frustration....just calm determination and empathetic compassion.
Tuesday Landen was up at the first light, eating 3 preventative bowls of cereal....cause you never know when a morning might get away from ya. He finished his 3 subjects by noon, and the rest of the week followed suit. My efforts shifted toward our very own attorney general. aka: Lukie. He wanted to have a friend over. More importantly he wanted to discuss every detail of the possibility of having a friend over. I set the parameters: "I will be glad to discuss your having a friend over when you've turned in your school for today." He began phase one of "operation: wear her down".
"I only have two more things."
"I'll be happy to discuss it when your school is finished."
"Can you just call now, and then we'll know for sure."
"I'll be happy to discuss your having a friend over when your school is finished."
"But I won't be able to call until later, and he might be gone."
(sweetly)"I know"
"It makes more sense to call now"
(still sweet)"I know"
(with increasing frustration)"Why do you keep saying the same things?"
"I'll be happy to talk about having a friend over when...."
"I know! When my school is done, but it's not fair!"
(REALLY sweetly, cause that PBS junk is working) "I know"
"AUGH! MOM! I kinda like that you're so calm, but you're making my brain pop! I want to say what's on my mind to say next, but I know what you're gonna say!"
(smiling so sweetly, I can't stand it) "I know"
Luke exits the kitchen and returns an hour later with his school done.
I tore his rig down!
I can hear that high pitched song: "I Got the Pow-wuh!!"
A couple more days of placid discourse, and enduring Luke's obvious withdraw symptoms to our previous, argumentative communication style, then his week smoothed right on out as well!
ok, last example. I gave each of the kids a pack of gum Sunday night. I told them they could have one piece a day and that would last them all week. They seemed excited....until Monday morning around 10am when Ashli had already chewed a piece then spit it out to have a drink of water. She asked for another. I said with great excitement: "You may have another piece tomorrow". She asked again, "I just want one more." Do you know what I said?
Yep! (with softness) "I know".
"But I had to spit mine out"
"I know"
"Why can't I just have one piece?"
(Again, with much excitement) "You can! Tomorrow"
"So I can't have another piece?"
"You sure can....tomorrow"
"Why?"
"You are welcome to have one piece of gum each day"
"I really want one"
"Did you chew a piece this morning?"
"Yes ma'am"
"Good, then you may have another tomorrow!"
(tuckered smooth out) "Yesssssss....ma'aaaaam" and she slithered off to play in her room.
Feel free to review the transcript above. I never even had to say the word "no". I'm not against using it, but it will mean SO much more when I choose to bust it out, don't you think?
God Bless America! Land that I love!
I can confess before God and man that I have just journeyed through 5 days at home with 5 kids...NEVER having raised my voice or resorted to sarcasm. That's a new record, people.
I'm reading Love and Logic each night and praying each morning. I'm gonna git this motherhood thing if it's the last thing I do.
Now I'm battling carpal tunnel syndrome after that VERY long vent. Visine, anyone?
More parenting challenges and championships later.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Somebody's Prayin'
I can feel it!
God is wonderful. He is mighty and merciful. He is holy and powerful. I believe in His power to work miracles. Sometimes He miraculously diminishes the circumstances and crises that seem to be mounting up against us. Other times He miraculously strengthens and sustains us despite the escalation and expansion of our problems. Either way, He is God and He works miracles!
Today He apparently chose to show His might in the beauty of "de-escalation". Mari slept in until almost 8. The pump that had been rendered useless in recent months was revived into effectiveness once again. Philip woke her, changed her, and loaded her up. She never uttered a word; she just smiled and drifted back to sleep during the trip to the hospital. (Remember this is Mari: the child/rooster who beckons passionately for pre-dawn nourishment on most mornings) Her calmness continued as we were placed in a room. To each staff member that commented on her disposition, I replied, "People are praying for her this morning". She "went under" and "came out of it" without complication. The doctor was very pleased with all he accomplished during the procedure. After scheduling a follow-up for Thursday, we were home by lunchtime.
She and I took a much needed nap and now things seem back to normal. She is not on pain medicine and is SITTING in her swing babbling on about da-da and tabi-bosheeni. I've heard of the first guy....
Have I said "Praise the Lord"?
Praise the Lord, I mean it.
God is wonderful. He is mighty and merciful. He is holy and powerful. I believe in His power to work miracles. Sometimes He miraculously diminishes the circumstances and crises that seem to be mounting up against us. Other times He miraculously strengthens and sustains us despite the escalation and expansion of our problems. Either way, He is God and He works miracles!
Today He apparently chose to show His might in the beauty of "de-escalation". Mari slept in until almost 8. The pump that had been rendered useless in recent months was revived into effectiveness once again. Philip woke her, changed her, and loaded her up. She never uttered a word; she just smiled and drifted back to sleep during the trip to the hospital. (Remember this is Mari: the child/rooster who beckons passionately for pre-dawn nourishment on most mornings) Her calmness continued as we were placed in a room. To each staff member that commented on her disposition, I replied, "People are praying for her this morning". She "went under" and "came out of it" without complication. The doctor was very pleased with all he accomplished during the procedure. After scheduling a follow-up for Thursday, we were home by lunchtime.
She and I took a much needed nap and now things seem back to normal. She is not on pain medicine and is SITTING in her swing babbling on about da-da and tabi-bosheeni. I've heard of the first guy....
Have I said "Praise the Lord"?
Praise the Lord, I mean it.
Update
We saw the pediatrician this morning, who referred us to a surgeon. We saw the surgeon this afternoon who scheduled her for outpatient surgery in the morning....this morning, I guess....Tuesday at 9am. It just doesn't seem to be getting better and it may even be spreading. All health professionals we spoke with today seem to agree that it is not out of control yet, but needs to be taken care of immediately. So off we go in a few hours.
Here's a neat fun-fact. She cannot have anything to eat or drink after midnight. Never in 11 years of parenting have I had the opportunity to gather a child from her crib in the six o'clock hour and not offer nourishment until after noon. Should be happy, happy! I actually signed a form that said I would not allow her to have chewing gum after midnight.
I pray this procedure will solve the problem and she can heal quickly and completely.
Gotta go lay in bed and stare at the ceiling then try to read my magazine then try to read the Bible then try to read a book then roll over with too much stuff on my brain then roll back over and stare some more then finally slip into that really good, deep sleep about an hour before I have to get up. (I handle anxiety so well!) I know I've read something somewhere about being anxious for nothing....where was that? I'll have to read up on that very difficult lifestyle.
Love to all
CDJ
Here's a neat fun-fact. She cannot have anything to eat or drink after midnight. Never in 11 years of parenting have I had the opportunity to gather a child from her crib in the six o'clock hour and not offer nourishment until after noon. Should be happy, happy! I actually signed a form that said I would not allow her to have chewing gum after midnight.
I pray this procedure will solve the problem and she can heal quickly and completely.
Gotta go lay in bed and stare at the ceiling then try to read my magazine then try to read the Bible then try to read a book then roll over with too much stuff on my brain then roll back over and stare some more then finally slip into that really good, deep sleep about an hour before I have to get up. (I handle anxiety so well!) I know I've read something somewhere about being anxious for nothing....where was that? I'll have to read up on that very difficult lifestyle.
Love to all
CDJ
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